My first gig. In 10 years. And I'm having a bipolar episode. Ask me anything.

[no name no slogan]

(Sorry this is a bit longish but I have to talk to somebody)

Yeah, I must be freaking insane. Now I have proof.

I got a solo gig at a neighborhood coffee house this Friday. It's my first one in ten (yes, 10) years. And, just to keep things interesting, I have bipolar disorder, and I'm in the middle of a depressive episode right now.

Because of this episode, I haven't been able to work (or do much of anything) in a month. It's almost impossible to leave my apartment. Even the grocery store is an ordeal. I'm anxious around people, even those I love and know well. Even going to my day program is difficult.

This episode has cost me a relationship with a woman I loved, and who I thought loved me.

In the middle of all of this, I get offered a gig. The booking agent caught me strumming and singing on my front steps one night and asked me to play her coffee house. Serendipity. But this was before I got sick again.

I have to do this. For some reason, I think it's fate.

I know it will be difficult. I'm very anxious, yet fatigued and exhausted. It's hard to play the guitar and sing for more than 1/2 hour at a time.

But I know that if I do this, it will be a huge step on the road to recovery. It will do wonders for my rotten self-esteem and self-confidence.

God, I hope I can pull this off. When I'm on, I'm REALLY on. I've silenced many a noisy room with my playing. I hope I can do it again. I need to do it again. Because if this doesn't work, I don't know what's left.