Reply #32: um ... the last part isn't right.

[noamnety]

"if you are a guest, you do what the host tells you - take a fucking valium, get in the back seat and shut the fuck up!!!!"

I don't think Ms. Manners would advise that as a hostess attitude.

You're right that it's your deal to invite whoever you want to your house, I wouldn't negotiate that. He's invited, she's invited, so can opt to visit on that day or not. But if she really doesn't want to go somewhere - even if she's staying with you - why try to bully her into it? That's not right. She knows better than you if that's going to make her so uncomfortable that it makes her miserable.

I wouldn't make such a big thing out of Christmas eve that you make this into a huge family fight. You'll have plenty of other nights to spend with your husband, it's not like it's really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. Be glad he isn't in Iraq like a whole lot of other husbands, you know?