By the way, admitting this is a great start.
Are you familiar with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)? The book titled Feeling Good by David Burns helped me understand CBT and it helped me pretty quickly. You can easily google CBT, but in a nutshell, it's a way to replace harmful, negative thoughts and feelings with realistic, healthy ones. Here is a good overview:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy.Again, please take a moment and go to your library or bookstore and, at the very least, read the first few chapters to see if it's something you would like to pursue:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy.Earlier this year I found a CBT workbook that was helpful as well:
http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Days-Self-Esteem-David-Burns/dp/0688094554/ref=pd_sim_b_title_1I love CBT because after doing the techniques for a short period of time, I felt better and I can do it on my own without paying money that I don't have to seek professional help.
Another thing that helps me is to think about what I would tell my daughter if she came to me and expressed the same emotions I feel. Then I do my best to parent and nurture myself the same way I would if it were her instead...which is, in itself, a form of CBT I think.
You can kick this feeling. If it seems too overwhelming to do it on your own, then please seek help. Self-medicating with depressants will only make things worse...I've been there too and I know how much it sucks.
If you just need to talk and/or vent, PM me anytime. :hug: