Reply #12: Oh man--the first month or so is no fun!

[davsand]

That first month or so is a stone biatch to live thru. My first love put me upside a wall one night, and even THAT was easier to live with than the first month or so after I booted his ass out the door.

After that, it became less sharp--less bitter somehow. THAT is the danger zone, IMO, because I stared wondering if maybe he'd been right when he told me no other man would ever love me like he did. I started wondering if maybe he really WASN'T as bad as all that--even if he DID hit me...

I even started wondering if the continual fights and continually being told it was all my fault was maybe not as bad as I'd thought. Maybe i really had over reacted...

I'm not even gonna talk about missing the minute and a half of sex that followed a fight...


When you get to those points? Do this:

Blink a couple of times and remember exactly HOW you feel right now. Then put the phone down and don't reach for the bottle. Instead: sit down and make a list of what you want in your next partner and how you can ID it in prospective date. Promise yourself that you will not allow abuse to be a part of your life EVER again, and stick to that promise.

Now, before you protest that she didn't hit you, remember this, abuse comes in a lot of forms, and it always hurts.

If she made you feel lessened, then you were most likely the victim of some type of emotional or mental abuse. Man HATE to admit it, but they bruise just as badly as women do when it comes to being hit with hurtful words and actions. What is so awful about abuse, is it is somehow "addictive." It becomes such a deeply ingrained pattern it is difficult to break the mindset.

Peace to you, and the hurt does heal with time. It takes work on your part--but it is no worse than living with a partner hurting you.

Laura