Reply #57: Well, you know a bit about me.

[SarahB]

I was on the net for years and never sought anything out, but then found myself connecting to a person a year and a half ago at a depth I could never imagine. It's was like we knew each other forever. I always tried to hold back, but he was so damned intense with me. (It's not like men don't like me in person. Just the opposite and I suspect the same for you. Maybe I even like the fact that he didn't know what I looked like for awhile, but it was just me.) I ended up crossing lines I shouldn't have crossed and thought about crossing more lines, then it was over. I had to face myself and my life square on and ask the important questions. What do I really want? Am I happy? Why? Can I ever happy with my husband? I came to a conclusion for reasons within itself that I was not happy with my marriage for its own reasons and had to get out. I was more than ok to be alone.

A few months after I made that decision, this other guy came back into my life to a degree. A rather intense degree. Hundreds of long letters between us and when we we've talked, it's like fire. My divorce is final in a little over 2 months and even if I'm alone, I'm quite ok with that. I even want that for the most part and the other guy in question is in such similar shoes that we understood that about one another. What's going on now, I don't know, because I bring out a lot of something for him as well and I'm not sure if he's ready to face his feelings and the fears he has regarding his own past. I'm not putting my life on hold. If someone comes into it my life (or is already there) that asks me out, if this guy's not willing to be proactive with me, I'll take an opportunity, but it's hard to imagine after everything that has gone between us, not meeting or fulfilling this is some way. I'm not up for indefinite limbo in cyberland though. I'm more a woman of action. It's about time for this to either go forward soon or end. I'm not sure why I'm so scary. I'm a pretty nice person. :shrug: