Reply #14: girlfriend

[idgiehkt]

wow, those are some thought-provoking questions. Wow.


Friendship: Betrayal I guess would have to be the deal-breaker; it's my most recent one. Betrayal of my confidences and you are dead to me.

Romantic Relationships: Tough one to think about because my lovers have all been so different. No substance abuse, no subtances but alcohol and only in moderation and never around me, don't want to deal with cigarettes. Paternalism is another thing I can't tolerate because of my history, it just gives me the willies. I can't stand that energy of someone trying to mentor/help me/ (or just pretend to) or whatever in a way that suggests a power imbalance in the relationship, there is nothing more skeevy to me, probably because it is a common tactic of predators. I had some kind of vaguely defined flirtation/friendship/sexual discourse with someone recently where they would segue into that very occasionally and trying to explain why that kind of thing just creeps me out was really difficult. I don't think I ever quite got it across how much of a trigger that is for me when combined with a sexual discourse, but it is just gross. I definitely don't need a daddy, especially not a daddy that wants to fuck me. :puke:

Jobs: Gosh, I've done everything. I am an aspie and office politics/clique politics is over my head and I get chewed up and spit out every time I come within range of people who are good manipulators and live their lives by that kind of thing. So I generally do better with manual labor and working by myself. I left an excellent job in 2000 and part of the reason was it was a car parts manufacturer and I never felt right about working there, even though I drive a car. I've had ethical dilemnas on just about every job though. Even cleaning buildings I worry over using paper towels and the chemical cleaners; it's tough. I also recycle a good bit of the paper at buildings I work at even though I'm not paid to, I just have a tough time throwing it in the trash.

Living: I guess because I don't have a degree or skills I've pretty much had to live where I could and work where I could. I can't tell you how enlightening it has been to read your answers because it's opened it up to me a little bit what it might be like to have more choice in the conditions of my life. Just thinking about that makes me feel positive, it's really nice positive energy so thanks.