Reply #21: Honestly? You need to go with your conscience....

[colinmom71]

While statistically it is more difficult for lesbians to transmit STD's to one another, herpes simplex 2 (genital herpes) is very easily communicable. All it takes is a hand touching one set of genitals then touching another set of genitals to transmit the virus, especially considering that bodily fluids are often, umm, carried on those hands with digital manipulation of female genitals.

If I were placed in your position.... And I get that you've been unwillingly thrust in the middle of this drama (BTDT, sorta)... I would tell T that she has one day to tell M about her medical condition and that if she doesn't, you will. T has already told you that she "has urges", which is pretty much code for "if I have a 'weak' moment, I'll give in and have sex with M". Her potentially destructive secrets do not deserve to be protected under the guise of "not my business" or "it's not nice to tell secrets". T is the one who is putting you on the line by telling you to keep her secret for her, and M may have her personal issues but no one deserves to be unwittingly exposed to a painful and permanent STD.

The other problem at play is that T obviously has problems with being open and intimate with those she desires to have a romantic relationship. This is a big red flag for showing that she's likely not emotionally mature enough to maintain an open, honest adult relationship with M anyway. T is already willing to lie at the very beginning of a clearly unbalanced relationship. It's going to end badly no matter what you may contribute to the honesty level towards M...

Please remember, there's a difference between privacy and secrets. Secrets are usually destructive and harmful... Privacy is like when one closes the door while one uses the toilet. But secrets are usually accompanied by lies, manipulation, and hurt, like "I'm screwing my husband's best friend who's HIV positive, but don't tell on me! You're supposed to be my friend!"

You can either be M's friend by being honest and truthful (though yes, she may feel hurt initially), or you can be T's "friend" by being dishonest, deceitful, and a partner to potential physical harm... The choice is yours, to decide who you want to be.