Reply #8: I wonder, is there is ever a good relationship with inlaws

[davsand]

I am sorry your inlaws are such an issue for you. I dunno if it helps to hear it or not, but you are not alone in your distaste for your spouse's family.

I am not gonna go into a lot of detail or even any history (lest it piss me off all over again) but my husband's family has been a source of anger and angst for over 15 years. Always when I'd try and talk to my husband about it he'd say, "That is just how _____ is. You'll just have to deal with it."

I had an episode with my FIL this fall that was just beyond the pale. To put it in the condensed form, he took it upon himself to lecture me on the proper use of a bathroom fan. What made it just SO disgusting was the way he acted while he was doing it--like he was REALLY getting off on it. I'll never forget him talking about "the smell of Poo-Poo in the hallway..." It was an offensive experience that defies my ability to describe it.

I finally realized that there IS no reason to go there and leave upset. I finally realized my husband will never take my side in any of this, nor will he ever say word one to his father to call him out for being a boorish pig. It just ain't gonna happen in this life. I finally realized that is just how he is, and I have to DEAL with it.

So I did.

I have refused to go back to that house. I told my husband he can go and stay as long as he wants, but I will not be going along, and that is JUST HOW I AM, SO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT."

My holidays have been completely relaxed since that decision, and frankly, I am less angry with my husband because I no longer expect him to do anything to stand up to his family. I swear to you, it was a breakthrough for me.

Peace to you, and I hope you all feel better soon.

:hug:



Laura