I give up. I'll vote for the holiest candidate.

[lwcon]

Bible literalism is more or less officially a litmus test for the GOP nomination, and close to that for the Democratic nomination.

I used to worry about America's creeping theocracy, but I've come to realize that it's all for the best, especially after reading H. Res. 847.

So, it's high time we find out which candidate is truly the stoutest defender of our religious traditions.

Leviticus 25 says:

44 Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids.

45 Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession.

Could someone please ask the candidates if they agree with the Holy Bible that we should buy slaves from neighboring countries, and whether we should have the right to buy visitors' children who are conceived in America?

Also, the Bible endlessly reminds us that people who work on the Sabbath must be stoned to death. It is therefore urgent that we know which candidates have ever worked on the Sabbath, and how many have failed to stone others that they've caught in the act.

Now, I'm just a newbie to the Bible, so perhaps others can suggest additional questions that will help us get to the bottom of which candidate Jesus and YHWH want us to vote for (or rig the election for). The future of God's blessed country hangs in the balance.

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The Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy, now at my new home: Correntewire.com