The speech that would redeem The Clintons

[Armstead]

(Yes I have my asbestos suit on and a supply of popcorn.)

Hillary: "Tonight we are addressing America jointly, because we have always been a team."

"After long soul searching, I have decided that my true gifts are as a legislator. I have come to love my adopted home state of New York. I realize it is time for my husband and I to pass the torch as the party's leaders. So I intend to withdraw my candidacy for president, and dedicate myself to my duties as the Senator from New York. I will also dedicate myself to working within the Senate to advance the Democratic agenda. And I will actively support and work for the election and agenda of the next Democratic President."

Bill: "I have realized over the last few weeks that my position as a former President carries with it great responsibility. To everything there is a season, and I realize that my season as an active politician has passed. We need a new politics for the 21st Century. I hope to play a role in shaping that, but only as an elder statesman."

"I acknowledge that I have made the mistake of misusing that responsibility, and I have harmed my party in the process. So tonight I will announce that I am retiring from active politics, except for occasional appearances to promote the Democratic Party as a whole. I intend to focus my time and abilities on the work that I have started to combat AIDS, serve as an unofficial goodwill ambassador for the United States and promote other causes I believe in. I apologize to Senator Obama, and can only say that I got caight in the heat of the moment and overstepped the boundaries. I wish him or John Edwards all the best in their campaigns, and I will actively do what is asked of me to ensure their election in November."

"Thank you all, and God Bless the Democratic Party."