I don't know how to feel about Randi Rhodes

[Symarip]

I debate even posting this because certain topics are simply taboo but sometimes you feel the need to say something even if you're all alone. I know that with what I'm about to write, I may very well be typing this to myself.

I don't expect anyone to agree, or disagree for that matter, with this post but my head seems to be at odds with itself in a bad way. I feel the need to express what's going on inside of me so I might understand or maybe other people may help me understand why I'm so confused. I hope I am speaking to those that have the where with all to know that I'm not attempting to shill for a cause or decry a particular candidate. If you believe that I have other motives, I should hope you ignore the rest of these words after this sentence. I'm trying to be as human as possible - to a point where I don't know where to even begin. Tonight, I've felt a lot of energy from this heated debate about words; y'know, those strange sounds we communicate with. And I find myself torn. Torn to a point where all I can do is document in words, with words, what's going on inside this little noggin of mine.

I realize there are hurtful words in the world. Words that are used to demean and anger and hurt people. Words so vile, they cut through the core of your soul and make you feel less of the person for knowing what those words meant. And there are words that express affection and love, peace and understanding, reconciliation and healing, and everything in between. We communicate using these sounds that come out of our mouths to express the inner workings of our brain, body, and soul. But herein lies my affliction: words are just sound we mimic. I can say every word ever uttered from another man's mouth and without meaning, they are meaningless. And because of this, they are open to interpretation; not just the person who lets noise pass through their lips, for they are attempting to convey thoughts and feelings, but also to the person who receives the signal with their ears and decipher this noise into language they understand using their brains.

My problem is that what I say and what you hear may be two different things. The problem is words can be interpreted in many different ways, depending on the speaker, the intent, the situation, society, etc. Some of us may say something sarcastic while the others may hear it as a literal statement. Someone could say something in ignorance while the next person may read it as malicious. Someone could say something they feel is right but the next guy or girl thinks its wrong, solely based on their knowledge of vocabulary. And then there's society with it's rules and regulations which are constantly changing and where no one in particular is an expert. All this coupled with regionalism and race and class and religion, it's a wonder we can even get anything done. Gheez, it could make your head spin, right?

So what's this all leading to? Here's my dilemma: I don't know how to feel about Randi Rhodes.

Let me first say that I haven't heard Randi on the air in at least a year. And when I did hear her, she wasn't necessarily my favorite. But, I've also had the fortune of meeting her and she's an absolute sweetheart. I gave her a big hug after a publicity stunt in San Diego and she signed an autograph to me that read, 'You're my last guy tonight'. I'll never forget that. She's also said some things on the air that pissed me off - not necessarily because of the language she was using, afterall it was on the radio, but the ideas she was trying to convey. I honestly try to judge people not on the words they use but the images, feelings and emotion they try to attach to those words. In a perfect world, I'd like to think we could communicate on pure intent, emotion and thought. Then we could bypass all this silliness. Alas, we are not so fortunate. Of course, certain words are societies no-no: nigger, spic, faggot, cunt, etc. They truly are despicable and horrific. But to strip away the angry intention and inflection of these words would only leave them to either their true definition, if one even exists. Beyond that, they're just noise that comes out of your mouth. No different than a tree falling in the woods.

Part of me feels that Randi was doing shtick; a comedy bit. To hold her in contempt would be to hold Chris Rock or Howard Stern or Bill Maher to the same fire. Without a doubt they are just as rash, just as vulgar, just as vile in language as Randi was but they are accepted far more. When they talk taboo, it doesn't seem to bother me. Sadly, and maybe a reflection of my own bias, I was slightly bothered by some of what Randi did have to say. But then I also think, this was her point. Comedians, writers, musicians and artists use a medium to stretch our limits and push our imaginations. And sometimes only for that moment in time because in any other context, it would be meaningless.

Part of me wonders, is it the actual words Randi used that were so harmful? Was it the fact she called someone, another woman, a 'whore' on stage? I find that I really want to say 'yes' to my own questions, but to say so would be to make myself a liar. I might be less sensitive than my neighbor because in truth, I've called plenty of women and men whores with my mouth and, more importantly, in my head. I interpret that word to mean more of a sellout, especially when put into context of politics and society. Maybe the same way a black person refers to another black person as a 'nigga'. I know it may be uncomfortable to think about, but to say it doesn't happen would be ignoring the simplest of truths: it happens. And trust me, I'm not saying it's right. Nor am I saying it's wrong. Fuck, I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Part of me wonders, did she get in trouble for what she said, or who she said it about? The answer, sadly, is pretty apparent. And that bothers me immensely. Even if I disagree with every single word Randi said on that stage, if she wasn't on the air for the FCC to judge and fine her parent company then she has every right in the world to say it, whether you agree or disagree. That, regardless of how you feel, is the essence of free speech and why it's so important. Free speech does none of us any good when we agree on everything being said. It's the idea of disagreement and dissent and opposing points of view which makes free speech so appealing. A bigot has every right to speak his mind and it's none of our place to stop him. It's our right to tell him to shut the hell up but just as he can say his piece, so can I. At the end of the day, in my heart of hearts, I don't think she should have been suspended for saying whats on her mind.

And so, I'm confused. Again, I'm not trying to defend or burn anyone at the stake. I really am confused on how to feel about what Randi said and what's been done to her. I find speech and the way we communicate fascinating and a major headache, all at once. But I also feel better for being able to get this out in the open and allowing other people maybe to comment on something that I might be missing or their own experiences and interpretation. Thanks to all those that read this far.