I let it go...

[FirstLight]

I released my newspaper project today.

At first blush, in October, it seemed like a dream come true. Running my own online News org...and the publisher wanted me to handle the whole thing...
well, months later, continuous changes in technical approaches and no contract made me look at things differently. The guy wanted me to run it as a franchise - meaning I would shoulder all of the start up costs, from having to buy my own Iphone to chamber membership. And then i would have to generate ad revenue to even SEE any kind of profit. I'm not a salesperson, i am a writer. and I would rather write about things i 'get'....hard news has always been a stretch. I was really wondering if I could pull it off after writing PR and Features for the past decade...not to mention that I don't understand half the stuff that goes on at City Council, lol

I wanted to wait until I knew it wasn't my own fears about not doing well that were stopping me from moving forward.
but the latest 'hurry up & wait' steps from the publisher, while he continued to tweek the techy stuff and the avoid a contract was kind of the last straw.

Now I see that for me, it is more about stability and security and feeding my family *easily*
...NOT trying to build something from scratch when I am in a place of survival and angst, then my sales pitch would be more desperation than professionalism.

I spent 9 months last year and drove to sacramento for school...it was to help me find a place to go professionally that would sustain us. I've been worried about not wanting to go 'corporate' ...but there are employers out there that are more aligned with equality & truth...I can manifest that. and the reality is that I need to work for someone who HAS the money, who can PAY ME.

so while i may not be revolutionizing the online news industry...I think my training in Human Resources could allow me to touch more lives in a positive way...

*whew* I feel relieved.