Reply #6: I want to thank you all for taking the time to answer my post.

[Trailrider1951]

Most of the interpretations have been right on the money. As a young child, I suffered physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother. I lost both of my parents within six months of each other from unrelated causes when I was in my mid twenties. I married a man who also was abusive to me. When I divorced him, he talked me into giving up custody of my son, telling me that I had no education and no way of making a living, so giving him up was the best thing for him. Consequently, I did not see him again until he reached the age of 18, about ten years ago. I raised my daughter alone. Money has always been a problem for me, mostly because I just have no "money sense" at all. It means nothing to me. If I have it, I pay bills and spend it on those that I love. If I don't have it, I do without, and say "Oh well". Long ago I made a choice between art and science as a way to make a living. I chose science, and have been employed as a technician for the last 25 or so years. Lately, I've begun exploring the artistic side of myself, after realizing that the choice was an artificial one: I am not either-or, but I am BOTH. I plan to leave my current job next spring or summer and work as a park ranger or nature guide for the state parks, or perhaps a national park or monument. I love the outdoors, and a year and a half ago, I purchased a motorhome in which to live. I can now drive my "home" to anywhere in the country, but I find myself drawn to living near my children. I now realize that family is the most important thing in my life. I live by myself, except for my two dogs and a cat. I have no desire to remarry. I find it very comfortable to live alone and depend only on myself. The "living like a monk" situation fits me to a T. I enjoy the company of friends, but solitude is most comforting to me. As for health problems, I have battled depression as long as I can remember. My best antidotes to it is to take a long walk in the woods with my dog, or a long bike ride with friends. Fresh air and exercise works wonders.
Again, thank you all for your guidance. You've given me some insights into why I have lived this challenging life, and how I can understand why I react to some things as I do.