My father's funeral...flame away

[lapislzi]

My father died this week. As I'm the only child (my mother died years ago), the arrangements were up to me. He was a haphazard Catholic, but had pre-arranged his funeral with the church/funeral director in the town where he lived. I honored his wishes.

The problem arose when I had to march into the Catholic church where I hadn't set foot lo these 20 years and sit in the front row with every family member, every neighbor, every family friend sitting a row or two back, with their eyes on me and my daughter. What to do? What example to set for my 10-year-old?

I observed the ritual. I walked through. I did it out of respect for the people who'd showed up (who were mostly all Catholics) to remember my dad. I hated every minute of it, except for the brief eulogy delivered by a friend that I'd had to fight with the church to allow. But I believed my obligation to those assembled overrode my own discomfort for what I believe is simply a meaningless ritual.

Should I have stood there like a monolith, thereby not violating my principles? My principles were violated already by having to be there in the first place. What is the experience of other atheists in such situations? My closest friend, also an atheist, refuses to participate in any ritual whatsoever, regardless of circumstances.

I don't know if I set the right example. Ask me in 5 years.