Reply #9: MuseRider...that's awesome...

[CoffeeCat]

Muserider, you sound so centered and at peace, in your post. I literally got goosebumps reading your post. ...happy for a survivor who is doing so well. :)

I now remember that we DID talk about this stuff in a previous post! I go in and out of peace/processing and sometimes I feel like I cycle through the same stuff repeatedly. I remember both of us sharing our similar processes and how painful the initial memory-recovery work was.

It sounds like we're in a similar place on the recovery road. About four years ago, I did lots of processing and the memories were pouring out of me. I feel as if I climbed 100 flights of stairs and now I'm on a landing--resting and soaking up life with a mind that is better rested.

Like you, I know there are more memories there. However, I know what happened and I really don't need to see further details. I sometimes wonder if having additional buried memories means that I'm not fully healed? I didn't chose to experience that first batch of memories, so will I experience an involuntary second round of memory processing?

Those are questions that hang in the back of my mind. However, the abuse is in the background and my "self" is in the foreground. Before therapy, my "self" was buried and I was a human cluster of coping mechanisms based on the abuse. That was beautiful how you described it... "I feel worthy to breath." That's so awesome. You've made great strides in your life and I applaud you for getting yourself to this point. It's hard work and you DID it! :)

Thanks for your thoughts. Hugs to you. :hug: