KOEB 7/19/05 (so excited I'm postin' it early...)

[Berry Cool]

"Hi, this is Keith. And have I got a special Countdown for you tonight! Yes, that's right--while everyone else is talking about you-know-who and his nominee for the you-know-what, I've learned about a LEGAL PRECEDENT that could DO KARL ROVE IN! See, here's the scoop...



"Wait a minute...what the hell is THIS????"



"Hi there, Keith. Ah believe this is MAH airtime tonight, not yours."

"But, uh, Mr....ah, Bush...you're not supposed to be on until NINE o'clock. This is EIGHT o'clock. I still get to do my show first."

"Oh, why, haven't you heard, Keith? Ah'm takin' over as the host of Countdown! Just wait'll you see what mah top five stories are gonna be! Number five, all about my new Supreme Court nominee--you're just gonna love Mr. Roberts, Ah tell you! Number four, all about Karl Rove--how wonderful he is, and how Ah just couldn't do without him! Number three--those eevul people in the White House press corps, and how they are being SO unfair to our wonderful Scotty who is so upfront and honest and patient with them! Especially that nasty Mr. Gregory! Number two--mah presidential library. Ah'm already makin' plans, and I'll let all of YOU see what they are! And finally, number one--my top story--mah wonderful wife, Laura. It's gonna be a great show. You won't wanna miss it!"

"Uh, Mr. Bush...I don't think this is allowed...you're going to have to talk to my producers...my network said you could have airtime at 9, but taking over MY SHOW is just--"

"But you're gonna love it, Keith! Just think of all the ballgames you can go to with me in the chair! But you really do need to record it to watch later or catch the re-air, 'cause it's gonna be great! And the ending is the best of all! You know that document, the U.S. Constitution? You know, the one with the stuff in there about how Americans have freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom from unwanted search and seizure, the right to personal property, the right to vote--all that?"

"Hmph...I am somewhat familiar with that document, yes."

"Well...at the end of each Countdown from now on, I'm gonna wad that Constitution up in a big ball and PITCH IT IN THE TRASH! It's gonna be great!"

"...Uh, boy..."

(DISCLAIMER: Fortunately, this was a nightmare and only a nightmare. Your regularly scheduled Countdown with Keith should take place at 8 ET tonight as usual. Remember. This was ONLY a bad dream. ONLY a bad dream...)