This may be one of my last posts here. I just can't handle the bullshit here much longer.

[Systematic Chaos]

Some immediate clarification is in order: When I say "here", I don't specifically mean this group. You guys and gals have all been supportive and understanding of me any and every single time I've needed it. I will always be grateful for your sympathy, your encouragement, and your kindness.

Rather, when I say "here" I am referring to the whole of DU. I seriously, seriously never thought it could happen, but this past few days the insensitivity and - on occasion - cruelty on display here with regards to treatment of the obese, and "lookism" in general, have been causing me to cry and well up with absolute vitriolic rage. Granted, this may be due to the fact that I've had to face sudden and complete withdrawal from my most important pain medication due to insurance, pharmacy, and doctor's office laxness and oversight, but that's neither here nor there. All I know is my system cannot take the stress caused by some of the absolute fuckwits who are becoming more and more commonplace in GD, the Lounge, and even LBN.

If you want to know just what I'm talking about, all you need to do is search the threads from the last three days concerning United Airlines' new policy about charging large passengers double fare, or read through the threads about the angelic vocalist Susan Boyle from Scotland (especially this thread - witness my single reply to what I feel should have been an instantly banworthy slight in that thread to see just what I'm on about!).

As for my personal life, my only saving grace is that I do have my disability coming in now. Just after my first check came, we discovered that my wife, along with over 300 other employees working for one of the major cell phone providers at her call center, is getting laid off on May 1st. Sure, we expect that her unemployment will come through without challenge, but the job market here in Las Vegas is down by about 50,000 jobs over the past few months so I don't know what she'll find as a replacement. Of course, this also means that my insurance will be gone come the end of May (COBRA my ass), so I'm now scrambling to apply for Medicaid. I already mentioned that I've been completely without my Fentanyl patches for a week now, because my doctor put me on a dose which is higher than the normal maximum which freaked out the insurance company and opened up a huge can of worms. Of course, doing so is pretty much necessary given my size; the 100 mcg/hr patch which is supposed to be the maximum dose works more like a 50 mcg/hr patch on me, so my doctor wants to put me on 150 mcg/hr or two 75 mcg/hr patches simultaneously. Being without the patches at all has caused my pain level to go through the roof in an eyeblink, and all the wonderful things my doctor mentioned would happen to me were I to quit the medication cold turkey have happened. I'm incredibly moody, far more depressed than even our present situation calls for at times, and I have moments where my mind is totally out the window. Hopefully, I'll finally have the patches again as of tonight, but what in blazes am I expected to do if I have NO insurance starting in June? There's no way I'll make it without - at a minimum - my diabetic meds, blood pressure meds and pain control, not to mention good wound care.

Oh, and another thing: I was supposed to have my lymphedema pump for my legs back in January, but after many phone calls and a whole pile of bullshit, only managed to get it a couple of weeks ago. Of course, the leg sleeves which came with the pump weren't quite large enough, so I was able to bring the pump home but I still have no way to use it! Just today, after waiting patiently for a larger set of sleeves to be delivered, I found out from the lymphatic clinic that their vendor is out of business. So I, as well as every other patient of the clinic who is awaiting a pump or other equipment, is shit out of luck until they manage to find another supplier. In the meantime, my legs have no infection and this would be a great way to help them heal, but I'm stuck having to wait for this mess to be sorted out. That's more expense for me and for whatever insurance I have at any given time until a resolution is found.

I'm frustrated with everything, and where I once found a great deal of comfort here at DU and came for a way to cope, I now find myself increasingly angry with an ever-growing segment of the population here and think more and more about staying the hell away. I never would have dreamed it would come to this. :banghead: