Reply #2: I haven't read the link yet

[mzteris]

but - when I had my daughter (way back in 1981) as a "new feminist" - I wanted to raise her as 'non-sexist'/non-gender-ID'd as possible. So coveralls, not much pink/frilly (the grandparent clothes, you know). I didn't want "girly stuff" toys or clothes. The room was yellow/green - not pink.

It did dawn me at one point that "non-gendered clothes" were basically more "MALE" ....

She had trucks, she had "dolls", she had blocks, she had cookpots, balls, dressup (male/female dressup), and just "toys". I didn't "let her have a Barbie" until she was like 8. (Which was also when my friend signed her up for dance (I wanted her to play sports.)

Alas - it was all basically to no avail. As SOON as she was old enough to state an emphatic preference - she wanted "shiny shoes", lace stockings, lacy/frilly/pretty dresses, RIBBONS for her hair, NAIL POLISH!! (which I DON"T do!) I practically had to BEAT her to make her wear pants! lol She'd wear them under her dress/skirt when it was cold if she had to. .... (SIGH)

Howver, there was the whole "deal with the school" who told her she couldn't play on the monkey bars bacause "boys could see her underwear" - so she started bringing shorts to school to put on UNDER her dresses.

I seriously wondered if there had been a mix up at the hospital. (especially as my niece was the camo-wearing, "tom-boy" type and HER mom is the frou-frou kind...... lol)


The irony here is - when my daughter was six - her dad "came out of the closet" (we'd been divorced since she was 2.5). She's very comfortable in a gay-male world. (He's a bear, not a flamer, btw.) But she spent summers around all types. (Miss Chablis taught her to play pool.)

She's STILL very "girly". Into the clothes and "stuff". (BIGGER SIGH) I'm still NOT.

******

Now my SONS: I have a 12.5 yo and 7.5 yo adopted AA son.......they take kungfu, gymnastics, soccer, baseball - AND - tap, jazz and hiphop. They're toying with maybe taking ballet. They ahve more "girl" FRIENDS (NOT girlfriends) than boy friends. Girls think they're wonderful and kind and considerate and don't treat them like they're stupid. Some of the boys think they're a bit "weird."

They share said thinking freely with my older son - I think many of them think *he's * gay (he's not - it'd be okay if he WAS, but he isn't) - because he's slightly built and does all those "girl things" - AND he's very sensitive (vegetarian, animal rights, volunteers, dance, etc.)

Funny thing, though, with the younger brother - who does basically the same things - NO ONE makes fun of him. I'ma thinking because - even though he is the sweetest kid you'd ever meet (killer smile) - he "looks tough". Five years younger than his brother - he outweighs him (and it's all muscle.) So no one "picks on him". He did have a bad spate in preschool when the teachers wouldn't let him "play in the kitchen" or "play dressup" - only in blocks and cars. There was also a "bossy girl" who declared GIRLS and BOYS do NOT "play together" and the teachers were okay with that. We pulled him from THAT school. His "best friends" have always been girls!


So - raise 'em how you want - I think in the end - they make their own decisions - and their own personalities will win out.

Though I'd like to think I can take SOME credit for the "good stuff" and chalk the rest up to society. :)


edit to add some details of "stuff"