Breaking Up With The United States of America

[varkam]

I got a letter from the United States of America, yesterday. It was a Dear John. She was breaking up with me.

I know that I have not been a perfect citizen, or even a perfect person. I have never claimed to be. I've voted before without being fully informed, I rarely watched C-SPAN, I didn't write letters to my congressmen and congresswomen nearly as much as I should of. I skipped class in college, cheated on my fiance, and became an addict. I've lied to people, used people, hurt people, committed crimes. I guess the whole committing crimes thing was the last straw for the United States She put up with all my other bullshit. She listened patiently while I criticized her. She was understanding when I was angry. She gave me a place to grow up. She gave me something to believe in, but after catching a felony conviction she didn't want to hear from me anymore. I was dead to her.

You know what's funny, though? I still love her. I guess that's why it hurts so much. I thought about saying "Well fuck you, too" and hopping across the pond - but I just can't see myself doing it. I guess when you truly love something, you can never really leave it all behind.

Loyalty transcends the immediate. My loyalty to this country supersedes the transient occupants of the the Senate, the House, the Legislature, and the Oval Office - be they Democrat or Republican. My loyalty to this country is not loyalty to this President nor the next. Not to this general assembly nor the next.

My life is a living testament to the fact that people are fallible and make stupid decisions for stupid reasons. If I could take back all the stupid decisions that I have made, all the pain that I have caused to people that love me, I would. Likewise, I know that the decision to purge me from the voter rolls was not her idea at all. Rather, it was an idea concocted to disenfranchise largely minority and Democratic voters from the polls. An idea developed by muck-rakers, think-tanks, and hypocritical politicians. I know her, and she wouldn't have anything to do with it. Not my United States of America.

I may be naive, short-sighted, or both. I may be a lot of things (and, indeed, have been accused of being a lot of things). But one thing that I am is loyal. Loyal and in love. And so loyal and in love I will stay.

In closing, let me just make clear that I understand both the retributive and redemptive nature of criminal justice. I make no bones about who I am, the things that I have done, or why they were wrong. I am not crying foul over my punishment, nor am I eschewing my own responsibility for things that I have done.

It just hurts. Hurts because I don't want her to leave me.