If you chose not to have children... what was/is your reason?

[nadine_mn]

*** this is not a pro/anti children post nor is it for people who cannot have kids.



I always knew I did not want kids... and for 20 years (since I made the announcement at 16) I have been told I would change my mind. When I met the man who would be my husband, I told him him on our second date 12 years ago that if we wanted kids, move on because there is no point on continuing this relationship, I won't change my mind. Fortunately he feels the same way. We still have a talk every now then, has either of changed our minds (no) we would still consider foster care at some point.

I am so determined not to get pregnant, I am on the pill and insist hubby uses a condom anyway.

Its not that I don't like kids, I have worked as a child advocate and literally worked with hundreds of kids over the years and really love them. But I have never wanted one - ok thats a lie.... every now then I get the urge but it goes away within a day or two. It breaks my mom's heart because I am an only child and her only hope for being a grandma, she tried guilting me into for the first 5 yrs of marriage... finally she gave up.

I have several reasons - ranging from too poor right now, not wanting a child to grow up in today's world, but mainly I am too selfish and too scared to be a parent. I raised myself in a way and really don't want to raise a child. Because of the sexual abuse I suffered as a kid, I am terrified of having a daughter and not trusting my husband. Not that he would do anything, but because I have no idea what a normal, healthy father/daughter relationship is, I think I would be sick constantly, and that's not fair to my husband or my daughter. I finally found somone who loves me for me, unconditionally, and I don't want to risk it with my fears. We have 4 furry kids,and we both want more pets (they are all rescued).

He feels the same way about kids, and I am so lucky. Whats funny, is that I think we would be good parents - we have talked about how we feel about child raising - spanking or no, church or no, etc and we agree on the important stuff, we communicate and work out our problems (not at first...lol..many years of hard work to get to this point). We have a ton of love and I think we will eventually be foster parents. What surprises me is my friends who have children haven't had these conversations - and they end up having huge fights about should their child be raised Catholic or not, private school or public school, etc.


Anyway enough rambling, I am just curious what reasons others have for chosing to be childfree and like me are you sick of the idea that you must be a mother to be a woman? This idea permeates MSM (imo) and I am sick of it.