To My Dearest, Darling, Senator Shelby

[NanceGreggs]

First off, I hope you don’t mind my gushy, over-the-top salutation. I have found over the years that nothing attracts the attention of an egotistical idiot quite like perceived flattery – and, quite frankly, I knew you were ripe for the pickin’.

Secondly, I hope you don’t mind if I call you Dick from here on it, being as (a) it is a derivative of your given name, and (b) you are one.

So let’s get to the point, Dick, re your statement on Sunday, June 7, on the GOP Propaganda Network Fox-News, that a public option for health care would "be the first steps in the -- destroying the best health care system the world has ever known”:

If you were intelligent and informed (which, as we both know, you’re not) you would have looked at the stats and realized that “the best health care system in the world” is not likely to be affected by anything the US voters do – being as we don’t have, and never have had, anywhere close to the best health care system, even in our own hemisphere, no less the world.

I realize that as with everything, subjective rather objective opinions may come into play – so if you’re thinking along the lines of citizens going bankrupt over health care costs, or people dying as a result of being denied coverage by insurance companies as being “the best health care system”, I gotta give you right. If that’s your criteria, I won’t debate you.

The problem is, Dick, that the vast majority of the citizenry not only don’t accept such criteria as a measurement of victory in the “Best Of” category, they find it to be illogical, ridiculous, and preposterous – and consider those who promote such criteria to be reprehensible, disgusting, and downright despicable.

I understand that you are afflicted with GOPism (a degenerative disease whose first symptom is a loss of hearing, coupled with a complete inability to control what comes out of one’s mouth), so I’m going to explain this to you nice … and … slow. And don’t be ashamed to rely on a bevy of advisors and consultants to translate the following plain English into – well, uh, plain English.

Ever driven past an office tower occupied/owned/operated by a large insurance company, Dick – you know, one of those fancy-schamcy places that employs thousands of people, complete with all the accouterments of expensive artwork on the walls, to-die-for executive offices, and boardrooms whose decor just smacks of wealth and power?

Now, think … it … through, Dick. Who do you think is paying for all that? When those billions of dollars in health care insurance premiums roll in, who do you think is the priority – the old lady in Tucson who needs a hip replacement, or the bean-counter in the corner office who’s collecting the Big Bucks for finding a reason for denying her claim?

Think (I know it’s hard work, but try) about how IT MAKES FINANCIAL SENSE for a company that is working on a FOR-PROFIT BASIS and is looking out for the BOTTOM LINE is, shall we say, apt to find ways to deny valid claims for health coverage to millions of people who have paid for said coverage in order to INCREASE PROFITS and thereby SAVE THEIR OWN JOBS, and keep the CASH COW alive and well.

Let me try to put this in terms that even a Dick can understand: As long as every penny NOT spent on health care is a penny EARNED in profits, there is NO incentive for any health care insurer to choose the providing of HEALTH CARE over the lining of their own pockets.

Get it now?

Oh, probably not. Because you are, after all, a Dick of the first order.

As you said, “Because government -- when the government's involved more and more in the details, and you start the one pay deal, and you've got the government competing with private enterprise, with all the incentives government has and the power, they will destroy the marketplace for health care, and it will be a mistake, and the American people better be careful in what they want.”

To which I can only reply: If the government’s involvement in “details” is so detrimental to any enterprise, why is that same “government” allowed to wage war, oversee vast military operations the world over, decide on where money will be spent, how much, where and when?

As for the American people being careful of what they want, Dick, I think we can agree they spoke very loudly and precisely in the last election. And what they don’t want is another asshole like yourself telling them they’ve got “the best health care system the world has ever known” when they know the difference between shit and Shinola – a difference you might want to acquaint yourself with in the days to come.

Now, I don't want to get into your personal space about your own medical afflictions, but I can tell you for a fact that if you want to seek medical help for that GOPism thing you're dealing with, your own medical insurance is not likely to cover it, due to its categorization as a "pre-existing condition that requires extensive and expensive long-term treatment, said condition being one the insured could have avoided via use of easily-accessible symptom reducers such as intelligence, facts, statistics, and common sense."

Gotta tell ya, that's ONE diagnosis I'd have to get behind.

Dick.