This should be from The Onion. It's not: A Mythic Proposition

[Fridays Child]

http://www.tucsonweekly.com/tucson/a-mythic-proposition/Content?oid=1895733

Mythic Corporation's Rex Swift intends to turn Arizona into his own sweatshop/cash cow.

Some snippets:

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"The governor and state legislators would remain in office, but this plan would free them up to handle traditional duties such as attending dinner functions, sporting events and ribbon-cuttings," according to the documents.

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Students would be evaluated with skill-level tests and then placed in different programs, ranging from computer programming to manual labor.

"This has multiple upsides," Swift writes. "Many foreign companies are looking for value-based computer programming. The students will gain vital skills, while Mythic can expect a significant cash flow from the work that will help cover the expenses of providing a first-class education. This will mean that for the first time, education in Arizona will generate revenue rather than depleting state resources."

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"If the federal health-care-reform package survives legal challenges, state tax dollars will be required to match federal funding," Swift explains. "That will cause serious losses to Mythic Corporation that cannot be sustained over the long term."

The solution: Opt out of the federal program, and transport sick people to Mexico for treatment.

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The proposal calls for all state highways, including Interstate 10 and Interstate 17, to become toll roads. The state's 18-cent gas tax would be cut in half, with the nine cents still collected flowing to Mythic to handle administrative fees.

"For too long, drivers in Arizona have essentially had a 'free ride' on state highways," the memo states. "While instituting toll roads will create some sticker shock, we're confident that the reduction in gas taxes—and the accompanying reduction in the price at the pump—will compensate for any increased roadway-related expenses."

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(T)he (state) parks offer a golden opportunity," he writes. "Although parts of them will remain open for paying clients, the scenic beauty is yet another resource that state officials have failed to properly monetize. Mythic will build master-planned communities using prison labor that will offer energy-efficient, green homes in a spectacular setting."