Reply #223: my beliefs are mine alone

[barbtries]

and are not for sale. i do believe in spirit, and i do acknowledge that to do otherwise would make my life harder. that's my "cross" to bear - my daughter died before i did. things happened that were witnessed empirically to help me believe. but still i do acknowledge that my beliefs are only that: MY beliefs, beliefs which i have chosen. not facts, beliefs.

or to put it another way, fuck a million dollars. the turtle showed up on her 23rd birthday. the detectives and my sister were in the same flower shop at the same moment the day before we buried her (this was in los angeles miles and dozens of shops away from where my sister set out to get flowers for her funeral). water squirted from the washers in her sister-in-law's car for no explicable reason and as it turned out, "that used to happen all the time in her car."

Bekah and i will be together when i die.

as i wrote very soon after she was killed: "can i dare to believe? or bear not to..."

as it turns out, i cannot bear not to. that's me. you may choose otherwise.