Putting more minstrels in the show doesn't make the un-free any freer

[HillWilliam]

There have been quite a few threads lately preaching to LGBTs why we should be grateful for the mega-advances we've lately had. I do not claim to speak for any monolithic LGBTQ community. First of all, no such thing exists. But I have been silent on the preach-threads, have not responded to posters, have stayed out of the flame-wars, and have thought very deeply on how to explain the disappointment that many of us feel. Many posters have tried to explain that we're not pissed because we haven't gotten "everything we asked for".

I don't know if we'll find peace, but I'm hoping we can explain and find understanding at least. I'm not preaching here. I'm trying to explain why we feel hurt. The "you should be more grateful" threads only add to the sense of betrayal. I'm asking you "please" don't. Here's why:

We're not even pissed because we haven't gotten a single, solitary thing we were promised. We're pissed because we have repeatedly been told one thing and have been demonstrated the diametric opposite. Actions always speak louder than words.

Let me repost a response (with edits) from yesterday that got several positive responses:

REPEATED instances of making pretty speeches before the A-Gay, big-dollar-donor crowd (like HRC who do nothing for the millions of walking-around LGBTQ's they claim to represent) then within three days defending DOMA in the most insulting of terms; actively lobbying Congress to go slow on DADT; actively refusing to obey a court order multiple times in granting spousal coverage to a federal employee, ... the list goes on and on. It's "say one thing then within hours or less than a week get busted doing the exact opposite" that has us upset.

All of these came after McClurkin where we were told to shut up, suck it up, walk it off and help get him elected. We did.

Despite this initial insult, we took the candidate Obama at his word, that he was a "fierce advocate" for our equality. We believed that he would remain true to his word that we would assist us in our struggle for dignity and recognition. We worked our asses off to see a Democrat in the White House, regardless of his stance on LGBT equality.

These came after Warren where we were told to shut up, suck it up, walk it off and support him. We did.

We promised to support him even though his insistence on having this most offensive of individuals -- who since has been revealed to have had a hand in the "Kill the Gays" bill in Africa -- was a direct, right-up-front stab in the heart to a large community who had worked so hard to get him elected. A large enough community, may I remind some folks, to make a difference in his election -- or re-election. Yet, he chose to shit on us anyway. But we walked it off anyway, even to the tune of many DU threads berating us for having cried out at the deep pain at the insult.

Why are we always so wrong to say "We believed you when you promised. We believed you when you said, 'Make me.' We worked HARD for you. We supported you even after we caught you in lie after lie. We can no longer be the abused spouse, crawling back for more. We're separating and re-evaluating this relationship. When you amend your ways, we may consider coming back, but not one moment before."

We have every right to correct ill behavior. That is not unreasonable of us.

He said he was a fierce advocate for us and supported our rights, but his actions and his staffers' actions repeatedly -- repeatedly -- put the lie to the flowery words.

He said he would push to repeal DADT, but he sent his staffers to the Hill to insist that Congress delay any action on it.

He said he had a committee to push for repeal, then we found out that was a lie.

DOMA has been another disaster for us altogether.

This is the thanks we get for our money, time, effort, support, and votes. Repeated slaps in the face and insults.

There have been many threads reminding how much he's done, how many LGBT's are now in government positions. While we applaud that, the rest of us are still living in fear, degradation, inequality, threats of being fired, the very real possibility of eviction just for being gay, and daily threats of bodily harm with little to no backup from law enforcement or justice.

I still can't get married. My beloved of 15 years can't inherit if my family decides he can't -- wills, contracts, trusts mean absolutely not one goddamned thing without marriage. Don't tell me they do. I've been the beneficiary of a will and been screwed before. If a greedy family and a reich-wing judge decide to overturn a will, it's overturned. Period. Wills aren't worth the paper they're written on if good enough lawyers are involved. I've seen the same thing happen over and over and over to many gay couples. Don't tell me it doesn't happen -- it happened to me. It's not just anecdotal, "I heard it happened to a friend of a friend of a friend" kind of thing. I bet before this thread sinks out of sight, there'll be several more just like me. "Just make a will" is one of the more intelligence-insulting things a straight person can say to a gay couple.

I'm sick and tired of "butbutbutbut look at more clowns in the circus act!! Don't you feel freer!!" bullshit. Making pets out of a few of the lucky ones doesn't improve the lot for the millions of the rest of us one iota. Do NOT stand before me and tell me the diametric opposite of direct observation. We might be gay, but we're not fucking stupid.

There is a wide, wide, wide gulf between what the President says and what he does. Defending the indefensible is in and of itself indefensible.

There have been a lot of good and thoughtful rejoinders to my original response. I would invite those posters to collect those under this thread. Maybe we can get across why the pain is so great and why the "you should be so grateful" threads are hurtful and are NOT helping.