Male Marital Outlook Linked to Upbringing

[CShine]

NEW YORK (AP) -- While most single young men aspire to marriage, about one-fifth are deeply skeptical of the institution and their prospects of making it work, according to a new national survey which closely links men's marital outlook to their upbringing.The survey, released Wednesday by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, found that the men with negative attitudes were far more likely than the rest to have been raised by a divorced parent in a non-churchgoing family.

"Most young men are still 'the marrying kind,'" said a report accompanying the survey. "Moreover, the men who are the best 'marriage bets' are those who are more traditional in their family and religious background."

One critic said such assertions were too broad, fostering illusions about traditional families and overlooking the nuanced attitudes of those raised by divorced parents. Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married "because it was the right time to settle down." The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner. The survey was part of the annual "State of Our Unions" report authored by Marriage Project co-directors David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead.

Their report avoided making specific recommendations, but Popenoe, in a telephone interview, counseled women seeking husbands to "take into consideration the guy's background - don't avoid the traditional guys."

"A huge percentage of the men say they'll marry when it's time to settle down, which a lot of women don't quite understand," Popenoe said. "A word of advice to women - make sure you're getting the guy at just this time."


http://customwire.ap.org/dynamic/stories/M/MEN_AND_MARRIAGE?SITE=FLTAM&SECTION=US&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

[gWbush is Mabus]

1. report authored by Marriage Project co-directors ... no agenda there.

[lazarus]

2. and yet

this flies in the face of the statistical evidence. The more religious you are, the more likely you are to get divorced.

Atheists have the lowest divorce rate, Southern Baptists have the highest.

[CShine]

3. Notice, it's a report of........

....how likely men are to GET married, not STAY married. Those naughty Southern Baptists!

[lazarus]

6. Good point

I hadn't noticed that.

Yes, men who are raised in a non-religious background are more likely to wait on marriage, because the non-religious background also tends to be more educated. No need for shotgun weddings, etc.

:evilgrin:

[Tommy_Douglas]

16. Well its not surprising...

An atheist is going to get married because of what they feel in their heart and has nothing to do with some sort of idea that Jesus commands one to get married at 18 and keep his wife pregnant the next 10 years.

I could never imagine any marriage lasting had I gotten married in my early 20's.

[Jokerman]

4. Misleading

I was raised in a "non-church going environment" and when I was single I was "deeply skeptical of the institution and (my) prospects of making it work".

Yet I've been happily married for nearly ten years.

My friends who were not "deeply skeptical of the institution" have been married & divorced several times.

[GinaMaria]

5. Gina's advice

avoid those traditional one's like the plague! They have a very limited scope of the roles of men and women. They will try to limit you back into the stone age, in my experience. I went for a non church goer who came from a divorced family. I waited a long time to meet him. It was worth the wait.

[lazarus]

7. yup

I recommend getting to know one's potential partner's family, if possible.

That'll tell you a lot about what you're in for, because, like it or not, we are all products of our families.

Some of us are able to fight off the negatives, a bit, but they're still there.

Never forget that, unless you plan to move to another country or something, you are marrying into a family. I got lucky, my wife's parents are as liberal as we are. They actually moved out of California when Reagan became governor, in protest.

[SquireJons]

8. You can't argue with a sick mind.

Where do they come up with this crap?

"A huge percentage of the men say they'll marry when it's time to settle down, which a lot of women don't quite understand," Popenoe said. "A word of advice to women - make sure you're getting the guy at just this time."

Or what? Or they'll screw around on you? They'll quit their jobs and go on the Bonnaroo tour all summer? (you're getting warmer) They'll... turn into a 'divorced parent in a non-churchgoing family.' (Ohmygod! Not that, Quick, get a crucifix)

I wonder if they recommend a blood test or a pee test to determine eligibility?

And I guess if you're wife's wearing a dog collar, she can't be blamed when the marriage flames out, now can she?

[BiggJawn]

9. What a crock of shit.

I was raised "non-religiously" by 2 parents who were married until the day Mom died.

I'm not "deeply skeptical of the institution and their prospects of making it work", I KNOW it won't work.

Been there, tried that....TWICE!

sounds like these 2 twits are working on the PromiseKeeper model of Men being a "wary quarry" and you have to hunt and stalk just the RIGHT one, and don't move on him too fast, else he'll grab his beer hat and go laughing off to the Men's Secret Lodge where him and his "buds" will sit around and watch Sports, drink Beer and have Farting Contests.....

What a bunch of stupid fucking shit. As a Man, I'm offended.

I'm not "Game", I'm a person.

[Nihil]

10. Two sides of the same coin

I was raised "non-religiously" by 2 parents who were married until the
day my Dad died (47 years - didn't quite make their Golden Anniversary).

I'm not "deeply skeptical of the institution and their prospects of
making it work", I KNOW it works for me (20 years and counting).

On the other hand, I also KNOW that everyone is different - it might
work for some other people and it might fail for some other people.
Big deal. Life's like that at times.

100% agreement on the article being total crap though BiggJawn!

Why do people feel they have to produce a "one size fits all" approach
to what is a very personal and highly customised thing?

[BiggJawn]

11. I was hoping folks would surmise that was just *MY* opinion...

I know lots of people who've been married for years. (lucky bastards!)

My folks didn't make the "golden", either. in fact, my dad said "I just wanted 50 years..." Well, neither one of us are going to make "50". Even if I married tomorrow, i wouldn't live that long.

"Why do people feel they have to produce a "one size fits all" approach
to what is a very personal and highly customised thing?"

Oh, hell, who knows? Maybe because it's easier to write a "one size" self-help book and go on Dr. Phil and Oprah....

[Nihil]

12. Did so

Didn't mean to suggest that you were making the same blanket statements
as the original article - my "one size fits all" comment was aimed at
them, not you - just thought that your opening statements were a close
fit to the inverse of mine!

:hi:

[SquireJons]

13. It's all part of the plan.

First off; stop telling everybody about the secret clubs. You want to get us busted by the Amazonian Secret Police?

And second; There are folks out there who are uncomfortable with diversity and so they promote a 'Smallville, USA' circa 1905 vision of the country in a nostalgic mythic sort of way. Man, are they in for a shock in twenty years; getting old surrounded by all these mongoloids.

But beyond their agenda, the entire premise for the report is wrong. When studying a very large phenomenon, like marriage is, you can not make individual conclusions. That's like looking at a vast forest and deciding that only one type of tree is good. You might comment about the tree, but you can't judge it and the other plants. These Bozo's don't even know what they're looking at.

Like most people, I didn't have a traditional upbringing. My mom has been married 4 times, and she may have one more in her yet. She tried to impose religion on me through years of parochial schools, but I escaped. Now I'm a non religious once divorced dad. And ya know what? I'm happier that way. My son is happy; my ex is happy. Where's the problem? I know that not everybody has a good relationship with their ex, but the report should identify the correct problem: absentee parents. Not vilify divorce and idealize marriage.

[Voice_of_Europe]

14. non-chuchgoing...?

Oh my God!!
I know nobody who goes to church!! (except funerals)

Does that mean nobody will ever marry me?

[Gregorian]

15. Hogwash! Someone give me money- I'll do a study

I think that 1000 people isn't even a sample group. And I was raised by as normal and religious a family as it gets. And I'm not married. And I'm almost 50. I think it has way more to do with population than anything else. In an overall sense, that is. Sure you can look at individuals. But it's overall trends that are important. And I strongly believe that it's a natural phenomenon to see fewer people marry when the population rises. Just my thoughts. I haven't studied it, but just believe it. And it's the reason I'm not married. I don't want kids. I thought 4 billion was WAY too many people.

I cannot believe the tripe that people are paid to study. How about taking that money and feeding starving children. Haven't these kinds of people ever seen what that looks like? If they had an ounce of reason in their bodies, they'd help those in critical need. Not some blathering study about guys not marrying. I think it's all bullshit in order to taylor advertising.

[TahitiNut]

17. So, marriage is all about men and their upbringing? (Bullshit.)

Rarely have I seen a more flawed 'analysis.' What's the impact of the attitudes of women towards men with such varying family backgrounds? What about the backgrounds of the women? Do women have nothing to say?