Episode 4: T Boone Coaches the Candidate

[ThShifties]

Around 4AM at the residence of the legendary billionaire. Pickens and his secret visitor, Senator McCain, have just finished a meal catered by the local Waffle House. They prepare to continue their tutoring sessions on economics.

McCain: wipes mouth with napkin Man, that was good. If I wasn’t so famous, I’d have breakfast at the Waffle House every morning.

Pickens: You might could chance it anyway, John. Now, where’d we leave off?

McCain consults notes.

McCain: You were explaining why the oil companies don’t really want to drill in Alaska.

Pickens: Right. That’s a easy one. The price of oil ain’t high enough.

McCain: It just recently hit $145 a barrel!

Pickens: But it ain’t gonna stay there, John. See, the only thing keepin’ the price up is your buddy and mine: manippleation. When that stops – and it will stop, my dotty friend -- the price’ll drop faster’n a Cong sympathizer out the door of a Huey.

McCain: but I was told that stock speculation only accounted for maybe 30% of the price.

Pickens: Think about it, Johnny. Thirty percent of $130 leaves you with a final price of ninety. I realize you ain’t no geologist. But do you really think people can make beaucoup cash hackin’ through thousands of yards of frozen rock for a measly $90 a barrel?

McCain: I guess not.

Pickens: And s’pose it drops on down to $80? $70? You’re sittin’ there with all your men and equipment, and all of sudden you’re broker’n a preacher with a hole in the collection plate.

McCain: So that’s why we haven’t already drilled in those other 80 million acres the Democrats are always going on about.

Pickens: I see the light come shinin’, Lord.

McCain: The testimony from the oil executives sounded so sincere.

Pickens: You was makin’ eight figgers, you’d sound sincere, too. Just remember: if it sounds too good to be true, it’s probably US energy policy.

McCain: This is very helpful, Boone. Of course, I can’t do anything different than I’m already doing. But at least I understand a little better.

Pickens: Then I’ve done my part for America, God bless her mangy ass.

McCain: what would you do if you were in my position?

Pickens: I’d hire me some of them Russky hackers and take a closer look at them votin’ machines.