HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

[Demeter]

http://www.opednews.com/articles/HELL-EXPLAINED-BY-CHEMI-by-GLloyd-Rowsey-081019-768.html

By GLloyd Rowsey

EXAM QUESTION: IS HELL ENDOTHERMIC OR EXOTHERMIC? (GIVING OFF OR ABSORBING HEAT)

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:


First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.


As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.


Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?


If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.


The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"





Authors Bio: I'm sixty-seven and I live in Northern California. I graduated from college in 1963 and from law school in 1966. I retired in 2001, after working 23 years for the United States Forest Service. I have radical politics, and before going to work for the Forest Service in 1978 I spent ten years trying to contribute to the revolution. Presently, I indulge in internet exchanges and don't spend nearly as much time as I should re-writing old pieces.

[Flabbergasted]

1. Awesome.....nt

[notalemming]

2. That's an amusing variation on the original...pretty clever nontheless

:D

[glitch]

3. I remember this from a long time ago - I don't remember exactly when.

Perhaps the first edition! Still excellent, thanks for posting.

[Canuckistanian]

4. Hard to argue with that logic

Even IF Theresa is lying, it still needs to be proven exactly how much heat a normal soul emits.

Now, assuming the rate at which a recently deceased body loses heat, we can assume that Hell is neither endothermic nor exothermic.

And why is Hell neither endothermic or exothermic, you ask? Well, even if a body is speedily delivered to Hell, it's "residual" energy MAY "go to Hell", but the heat left behind on Earth is measurable.

And since the total heat given on Earth is NOT trivial nor unexpected, we can assume that the total heat is retained here on Earth. Thus, the departed is not absorbing or emitting heat. If not, then WHERE is this excess energy coming from?

I DO hope this clears things up.

[dweller]

5. does this help explain global warming?

after all, with the last 8 years of a *moron's pResidency, it seems we've all been in Hell on Earth.

:shrug:


dp

[machI]

6. Can we leverage off of this to control global warming?

The key to unlimited renewable energy is in there someplace.

[Recursion]

7. I love the philosophy exam myth

In some high-level philosophy class, allegedly, the final exam was one question: "What is courage?"

The only A was given to a student who turned the exam in 5 seconds after it started, having written, "This."

(There's another one with "Why?" and "Why not?" or "Because I said so.", but I like the courage one better.)

[teknomanzer]

8. Is Heaven hotter than Hell?

Here is another physics question on the afterlife answered.

http://englishatheist.org/indexzsix.shtml