Why I Hate Microsoft

[Daveparts]

Why I Hate Microsoft
By David Glenn Cox


I have always wondered what it would be like to spend the evening with Bill Gates. Never having known a billionaire before and being known for bad haircuts myself I thought that it might be interesting.

“Wow, Bill, this is some kind of place!”

“Thanks, Dave, we like it. Do you want a Coke?”

“No, thank you, Bill.”

“Are you sure? If you like, I’ll ask you again later."

“Thank you, no.”

“Do you see this view, Dave? It’s the finest view in the whole state.”

“I agree, that is an amazing vista!”

“We don’t use the V word around here, Dave. Not now, not ever. It wasn’t a software problem; it was a hardware problem. People just weren’t ready for that much product innovation. Do you want a Coke now?”

“But, Bill, it is a market-driven environment. If the public was experiencing problems with your product, doesn’t the company hold some responsibility?”

“We fixed the problem. We added 800 numbers and we even started a multi-million dollar ad campaign to make sure people understand that it wasn’t our fault. For God sakes, not everyone can work an abacus, you know? Do you see the Chinese sending out representatives just because it’s missing a few beads? Besides, we fixed the problem; we changed the name. Do you want that Coke now?”

“No, thank you, Bill. I’ll just stand here and look out the window and admire the lovely Seven.”

“Do you know that with Seven you can make panoramic photos?”

“Yes, Bill, I've heard that. But I’ve got a cheap digital camera I bought ten years ago that does that, too.”

“Well, with you being a writer you’ll probably appreciate the new icons that we’ve added to Microsoft Word!”

“Honestly, Bill, I use an old version of Word; I don’t need seventy-five icons. I’m trying to write, not to play video games. The new Word reminds me of a tricked-out low rider; it does everything. It jumps up and down, it has flashy paint, it has a funny horn, but it can’t take you comfortably from A to B because of all the gimmicks.”

“Dave, I can see that you’re in need of retraining! You are stuck in the old way of thinking. Would you like a Coke?”

“Bill, I don’t think that you understand; adding more bells and whistles doesn’t make the product any better unless we need those bells and whistles. Adding them just to add them doesn’t make it better; it makes it cluttered and cumbersome. Besides, I don’t need retraining. I want the machine to work for me, not me to work for the machine."

“Dave, you don’t understand, we here at Microsoft, we are just trying to be your partner in business.”

“Who said I wanted a partner? I want a servant! I want a servant that doesn’t give me crap, a servant that doesn’t remind me every fifteen minutes, when I’m in the middle of something, that there are pointless updates ready for download. A servant that doesn’t make my computer crash, a servant that is not constantly trying to sell me products I don’t want.”

“Say, how about a nice, cold Coke? Or we could listen to some tunes on my Zune! Have you ever seen your house from space? We can look it up on Microsoft Earth!”

“Well, yes, Bill, I saw my house from space five or six years ago on Google Earth.”

“Would you like a Coke?”

“No, thank you, Bill.”

“I know, we could watch Jimmy Fallon on Bing!”

“What’s Bing?"

“It’s this great new search browser offered by Microsoft.”

“Is it better than Google?”

“Would you like that Coke now?”

“Bill, I asked you directly, is it better than Google?"

“Well… sure it is, it’s from Microsoft.”

“Bill, being from Microsoft doesn’t mean that much to me anymore. They tend to tell people what they need instead of asking them what they want. They follow, they don’t lead. They force you to make decisions rather than giving you choices. They never admit failures or accept responsibility for those failures. They’ve always got a patch to fix it instead of making it right the first time. They try to sell cake that is all frosting and then call us health nuts when we point out the sugar. Do you understand that, Bill?”

“So, you don’t want a Coke?

[brooklynite]

1. Walk towards the light.....

[dotymed]

11. Does anyone Know

How to get rid of BING? I don't like it. I want google. I set
my browser for google....but I it still uses "BING"
This is crap...

[brooklynite]

20. Which browser?

If you use Firefox you.should be able to choose your search engine

[rosesaylavee]

2. Using WORD is just like that too.

I have the new version on my work computer and don't use it. I would have to spend at least a few hours just reorienting myself to where things are now. Lots of icons and fewer menus - the changes make it almost a new program to learn.

[OnyxCollie]

7. I used to use Microsoft Office on my Mac.

I hated it. Nothing was intuitive. It would always crash or hang up. I bought iWork for Pages and Keynote and I love it. I'll never use Office again.

[eppur_se_muova]

17. Word jumped the shark after v6.

Every version I've seen since has been too much of a nuisance to bother using.

I'm still using Word 5 as my default word processor.

[rosesaylavee]

19. Using Word 2000

not sure which version that is. And I like it fine. :P

[eppur_se_muova]

27. I think 2000 was the last version that had actual menus. nt

[Patiod]

23. It really didn't take that long to re-orient on Word

Not a Microsoft fan, mostly because of all the viruses and malware and spyware that I'm constantly battling.

But we had to upgrade at work, and I went with the flow, and was pleasantly surprised. I do find the new Word easier to use.

But PowerPoint just makes me cry in frustration....(and the new version isn't any easier or better)

[rosesaylavee]

24. It may be that I work alone now and don't have that collective

learning thing here. And I have to work pretty fast so haven't taken the time to search things out. PowerPoint has changed that much too? Swell. THAT I actually took classes on and haven't looked at the most recent version.

[Patiod]

28. No, Powerpoint HASN"T changed and that's the problem

Powerpoint makes me crazy.

Word has changed for the better - Pwerpt not much at all.

[rosesaylavee]

29. Oh, haha.

That's why I took the class. Made much more sense then.

[NWHarkness]

3. People bitch about the "low quality" of American cars

then they spend billions of dollars on second rate Microsoft crap.

[Warren Stupidity]

4. natal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWnZOseA3Lw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2r9cKjNQe4&feature=fvw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_txF7iETX0

Dismiss Microsoft at your peril. Lots of smart people working on some really smart stuff.

[WyldRogue]

6. Looks like a rip-off...

of Sony's Playstation Eye-Toy so this is nothing knew and just like the Microsoft I have come to despise, they take an idea already existing and essentially steal it and market it as their own (like they did with DOS). Guess Microsoft's' next move would be to sue Sony over the Eye-Toy as it infringes their supposed patent rights on that particular media.

[Dr.Phool]

5. Lightning fried my motherboard a couple of weeks ago.

I was able to save my hard drive, loaded with XP. On my new system, I added a second hard drive, and I installed Ubuntu on it. First time I ever tried Linux.

It installed in 20 minutes, and motherfuck. Everything from my printer, to digital camera, to mouse and joystick worked right out of the box. I couldn't believe it.

Tomorrow, I'll be ridding myself of Vista on my laptop.

Then I'll go stand in line and wait patiently for the release of Windoze 7.:sarcasm:

[localroger]

8. When I got my latest PC, I didn't install Office

I've been using OpenOffice for everything, and have yet to find anything I need it to do that it doesn't do. (In fairness, I do use MS Publisher, since OO doesn't have a similar program, and that means I'm not trying to use OO Writer for some of the pixel-precise layout tasks many people try for with Word.)

I have a laptop with Ubuntu, because when the hard drive crashed and I reinstalled Win2K and got all the drivers from Dell, I could never make the wifi work. Ubuntu found all the hardware, even the nonstandard firewire CD drive and the wifi, and installed itself without any intervention from me.

I deal with a number of large companies that have large intranets, and not one of them is planning to migrate to Vista or 7. When I ask their IT guys what will happen when MS finally pulls the plug on XP for real, they just shrug; I think they believe they will be able to twist MS' arm indefinitely to keep selling XP for corporate use, and are simply in denial or planning to cross that bridge when they come to it if they can't.

[tomreedtoon]

12. Couple of suggestions.

First, beware Linux. At the insistence of the Cult of Torvalds, I tried installing Mint Linux on a computer with Windows. It took up most of the hard drive, didn't do everything Windows did, couldn't use software like Skype with it, couldn't configure its confusing sound system, took forever. It just confirmed to me that Linux is a model train for geeks to play with, not a real operating system.

Second, for your publishing needs, get a CorelDraw suite for Windows. Anything after CorelDraw 11 or CorelDraw Essentials (available fairly cheap) will do. You can use CorelDraw as a very flexible publishing program. It takes a few steps more than the late, beloved Adobe Pagemaker, but it works nicely. I've used it for all kinds of projects.

[rosesaylavee]

13. Can you share PowerPoint with MS users?

I am thinking of getting a new laptop this summer and debating whether I want to get Office. I have used Google docs for some things but can't remember what happened with that - wasn't able to share a PowerPoint like app with someone.

[OnyxCollie]

9. Is this your work?

Funny and clever.

[unblock]

10. microswift's genius has always been in figuring out how to steer the money towards themselves

of all their products, i can't think of a single thing they've invented.
everything i've seen from them i've seen better elsewhere years earlier.
anytime i ever got into a debate about it, the pro-microswift argument quickly degraded to, in essense, resistance is futile. you must surrender to their monopolistic power. once upon a time, lotus 1-2-3 was pure genius and excel was a buggy, useless piece of crap but everyone decided that lotus had already lost simply because they refused microswift's infamous offer-you-can't-refuse, take-the-discounted-buyout-price-or-we'll-put-you-out-of-business anti-competitive tactic.

many business people admire bill gates as the ultimate capitalist. he's not. true capitalists believe in competition. putting other software people out of business by bundling your application with your operating system, by cutting exclusive deals with hardward vendors, by narrowing consumer choice through takeovers, or by dumping cheap product to cut competitors' profits and then hiring hundreds of top-notch lawyers and lobbyists to get away with it is NOT what capitalism is all about. it is anarchy, an absence of rules or regulation. those who claim laud them mistake their own fear and indimidation for admiration. there's nothing admirable about microswift, now or then.

[ejpoeta]

25. omg!! i remember lotus 123... i learned that in college i think. wondered whatever happened to that

program.

[Demeter]

14. I Think I'm in Love

Someone who thinks about computers, hardware and software, the way I do.

That was screamingly funny.

I'll take that Coke now, caffeine-free, please.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

18. make mine vodka flavored.

that was hilarious.

[BeFree]

15. Gawd damn!!

Take the damn coke already!!

I'm with Bill. Rich people make good friends. Whatever they do is alright by me.

And remember, if it wasn't for my government buying all that software from Bill, Bill would just be someone else.

[ChromeFoundry]

16. That was quite humorous

thanks for sharing

[Babel_17]

21. Funny stuff but I thought this was going to be about Ballmer. :)

http://news.slashdot.org/story/09/06/06/1153217/Ballmer-Threatens-To-Pull-Out-of-the-US?art_pos=11

"Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer is threatening to move Microsoft employees offshore if Congress enacts President Obama's plans to curb tax avoidance by US corporations. 'It makes US jobs more expensive,' complained billionaire Ballmer. 'We're better off taking lots of people and moving them out of the US as opposed to keeping them inside the US.' According to 2006 reports, Microsoft transferred $16 billion in assets to secretive Dublin subsidiaries to shave billions off its US tax bill. 'Corporate tax is part of the overall advantage of doing business in Ireland,' acknowledged Ballmer in 2005. 'It would be disingenuous to say otherwise.'"

I liked this reply: http://news.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=1259259&cid=28232931

"Besides, IMHO...corporate tax is useless, it is just a hidden tax on the consumer, since a corporation just passes this off onto the consumer as part
of their cost of a product."

Why does this ridiculous soundbite keep getting regurgitated *every single time* this topic comes up?

If corporations don't pay tax as so many Internet corporate lick-spittles shriek, then they wouldn't need ridiculously twisted foreign tax accounts and be prancing around like sooks when someone comes along and tells them to meet their obligations in their home countries would they? They would just happily pass this tax burden it along.

That's right logic doesn't come into a discussion where fanatical ideologists are hopping up and down does it?

Second the same argument could be made for *anyone* who runs a business. "Small business owners don't pay personal income or sales tax, they just pass it along in the price of the goods & services their business sells, so they shouldn't be taxed".

The whole "argument" completely ignores competition, elasticity and old fashioned out of date sneered at "patriotism".

Good god.

The worst thing about it all, is you all point to Ireland as some sort of bastion of economic freedom and some sort of idol, completely ignoring the fact that Ireland has been hit harder than *any* other country since the depression due to it's low tax rates and lax corporate regulations and now has a debt of 800% of GDP and all the multinationals that used and abused her are now running back to their safe secure and regulated home countries post haste!

But yeah, the US should definitely aspire to be more like Ireland or Poland or fucking "Mumbai" as some tool below puts it. What a great idea.

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak........."

I'll say...

[HillWilliam]

22. I threw Windows out of the house 10 years ago

and feel ever so much better for it. I've been using OpenOffice which works perfectly out of the box and makes Word and Excel documents just fine. I'm a fan of Fedora but I've been using Ubuntu for about 8 months now. It's okay for what it is -- it's a perfectly workable desktop environment, but I'm a developer and need a bit more horsepower, so I'm going back to Fedora in three days when Leonidas is released.

The hell with Micronoise. I have to use it at work. Every six months, it's reinstall the damn thing because it shits in the registry. If you do heavy development like I do, it's a nasty, nasty environment to work in. My machines at home behave just fine for years at a time with Linux with zero problems.

Why schvitz? I'm way too busy to be futzing with machines and OS's. I just want stuff that works first time, every time, all the time, right out the box and KEEPS working for years at a time. That's why I've used Linux for years.

And NO, I don't want a Coke.

[paulk]

26. yeah, I hate Microsoft, too

but I can't afford a Mac, and I can't afford the software for a Mac.

And I'm pretty sure I'm not cool enough to own a Mac anyway...