Orange County Weekly: We Shoot Republicans!

[question everything]

September 3 - 9, 2004

We Shoot Republicans!
by Steve Lowery

Please join our campaign to reveal the true John Kerry!

John Kerry is a pussy. What else do you call a guy who serves in ’Nam, takes a few pieces of metal in the shoulder and expects not to be branded a traitor? And what else can you call a guy who isn’t sure when and where he got wounded because he was too busy pulling guys out of rivers while others were too busy shooting and yelling and trying really hard not to get all killed to take the time to check their GPS?

No, there’re just too many questions with Ho Chi Kerry’s service record. And we hate questions. Give us a clean, undisputable war record, thank you very much, you know, like George Bush’s. Clean as a whistle. Dick Cheney? No one’s disputing if he got shot in Cambodia—mostly because he wasn’t there, or in Vietnam, or in the military. Ever. Same goes for Karl Rove and John Ashcroft and Paul Wolfowitz and Bill Frist and Dennis Hastert.

Those are war records you can trust!

Kerry? He’s under fire from nonpartisan groups such as the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth—nonpartisan to the tune of $4 million, which is what their biggest donor, Bob Perry, has given to Republicans—and Mr. Democrat himself, Bob Dole, who not only got a Purple Heart but, if those Viagra ads are to be believed, regularly nails senatorial tail—which is more than Bill Clinton can say.

Anyway, we’ve had enough of this and would like to offer our Republican friends a way to set the record straight. We’re inviting any and all of them to come down to the OC Weekly office (1666 N. Main St., Suite 500, Santa Ana) and have a piece of metal—"shrapnel" to you military and M*A*S*H buffs—forcibly inserted into their shoulders.

More..

http://www.ocweekly.com/ink/04/52/news-lowery.php

[ET Awful]

1. BUAHAHAHAHA I love it.

I'll have to disagree with them though. I think forcibly inserting the metal would be more fun than shooting. Perhaps with a sledgehammer? :)

[punpirate]

2. Do that and they'd all...

... get Christ complexes.... :P

[ET Awful]

3. Good, that'd really give them cognitive dissonance. . .

since they already thing dubya is Christ, they wouldn't be able to resolve the mental conflict :)

[Shallah Kali]

4. Normally I am nonviolent but I am willing to pound in shrapnel

into any republican who wants to prove how wimpy Kerry really is.

[A_Possum]

5. ROFL!

Great

[tenpinjohn]

6. Maybe Lowery could

get the word out about Chicken-Hawks being Vietnam girlie men