Swift Vets: Down, Dirty, And Sexy

[republicanpress]

Swift Vets: Down, Dirty, And Sexy

The latest by Kathleen Kuntly, GOP Media Diva.

More At: www.republicanpress.com



http://www.republicanpress.com/kuntly.htm

This Republican media diva has been impressed with the way the Swift Vets for Truth have taken a stand against John Kerry! These old salts are not going to let John Kerry boast about his heroic service with 3 Purple Hearts, and a Silver Star, and a Bronze Star. Yeah, John Kerry might have 5 medals, but V.P. Cheney had 5 deferments! These Swift Boat Veterans know that we need a President with the courage of President Bush. President Bush served heroically in the Texas Air Guard with members of the Dallas Cowboys and other "fortunate sons" of Washington, to avoid going to Vietnam. That took courage and conviction, things John Kerry obviously lacks!

So now the liberal crybabies on the Left have their panties all in a bind because they think President Bush was responsible for the Swift Boat ads. Dammit, that makes me hot and wet with anger "down there" because I know President Bush is running a campaign based on morals and family values. He has repeatedly said he had nothing to do with the ads, and he will not apologize or ask them to stop!

Well, ok almost nothing. So maybe it does turn out that a current top level Bush campaign advisor, Ken Cordier, appeared in the Swift Boat ads. That still doesn't prove any links to the Bush campaign!

Ok, and maybe the liberal fact checkers have uncovered the fact that the Swift Boat ads were financed by $200,000 from Bob Perry, who has contributed large amounts of money to Karl Rove and George W. Bush.

Oh, and I am sure the liberals probably want to make a big deal out of the fact that the Bush campaign was recently caught distributing fliers for the Swift Boat Veterans For Truth, even though they claim to have no ties to each other. Well, I say the proof is in the pudding, and you liberals can lick my pudding if you think any of this proves a damn thing other than Kerry is unfit for duty! Mr. Purple Heart should know that we Republicans fight down and dirty!

Down and dirty is how we Republicans like our politics. If you don't believe me just look at what we did to John McCain, and look what we are doing with the "war hero" Kerry. Yeah, that's right we like to heat things up, and then use smear tactics. Just thinking about it is giving me smear spots in my silky white thong panties!

Sure, Johnny boy had 3 purple hearts, a bronze star and a silver star, but who gives a blonde cooter hair? Johnny boy forgot we Republicans are the party that likes to talk about war and send others to fight! Yeah, we Republicans like our military muscle with long phallic missiles, and all the sexy semantics of "bunker busting" and "penetration" and we like our Star Wars anti-missile missiles long and thick! Yeah, that is what I like too, but I will take mine in the darkness of night on satin sheets! Yeah, take me to DEFCON 1 and drop the big one on me! Pound it into this blonde's bunker and then probe me for intell!

Down and dirty is how this blonde loves it. Both in sex and in war. True, I have never been to war, but I know about sex, and if John Kerry gets elected we'll all be f**ked! I must close now, but I must point out that we Republicans are the "Real Americans" and we can't afford to let some Democrat war hero take that title from us. That being the case, and all things being like they are, we Republicans will get down and dirty to see if we stay in power. Yeah, down and dirty the way I like it. Down and dirty and down on all fours barking like a dog as my womanhood is pounded from behind.

[sithknight]

1. my, my

I don't know what to say except: i'm so liberal I scream "tax me" at the point of orgasam.

[sithknight]

2. umm...

sorry, lost my sense of decorum...

[Johnny_wishbone]

5. HA

I loves it.

[newyawker99]

8. Hi Johnny_wishbone!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[madrchsod]

3. interesting site.....

is it yours?

[republicanpress]

10. Thanks all

The site belongs to a couple of proud Democrats. My best friend and I started it about a year ago.

We appreciate the compliments.

We try to make fun of the full spectrum of right wing pundits.

The Reaganites, the idiotic country singers, the religious right, the skinny hateful blonde media divas, and the wacko war correspondents, etc.

Below is another of our columns, from our patriotic country music singer, Boxcar Pud Acuff, "9/11 Changed Everything"



9/11 Changed Everything
http://www.republicanpress.com/pud.htm


(Mule Ass, Tennessee)
Shoot, I ain't never claimed to be smart, bright, clever, or anything that might come near to being one of those things. Naw, I'm just a Republican country crooner of sad beer drinkin' music and nothing more. An old farmboy from Mule Ass, Tennessee that made it big in Nashville. Yep, under the bright neon lights of the streets in Nashville I made it without being like the so-called, "smart people." Shoot, I'm just me, and me is mighty damn stupid.

Now I might be a dumbass, but I will tell you right here and now that I know about respecting the flag and the President! If there is one thing I love about America, it's having the freedom to be as stupid as I want. I don't have to worry about trying to seem educated, or reading this or learning that. I reckon President Bush is a lot like me in that regard. He understands the importance of freedom, and he exercises his freedom to be stupid everyday too.

Last week, them Hollywood liberal reporters was foaming at the mouth when President Bush misspoke, saying, "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we, " (STORY)

People tell me the liberal egghead media throwed one in our President like he was some kind of stump-broke calf. Hell, I don't do no readin' and I'm damn proud of it. I am like President Bush in that regard. As far as I'm concerned, readin' and bein' smart ain't all it's cracked up to be. Let the Hollywood liberal media sit around in their debate clubs and talk about, you know, smart people shit. I'll hold onto my right to remain stupid, along with my Republican morals and values!

Nobody has more Republican morals and values, then my Granddaddy Steamboat Acuff. I came home late last night to find Granddaddy Steamboat, sittin' at the kitchen table with a worried look on his face and ponderin' his own conservative morals and values. Granddaddy had his knife out, and he was a whittlin' away at one of the biggest cucumbers I had ever seen.

"Pud, this war in Iraq is startin' to affect us all. I saw ole' lady Johnson down at the market today. They called up her husband's Guard Unit to go and fight over in Iraq and it might be 2 years before she sees him again." Granddaddy said as he carefully worked on the giant vegetable. "Pud, war is hell on the home front too. While ole' man Johnson is over there in Iraq fightin' and diddlin' them Iraqi women, that little wife of his is back here at home a doin' without," he said. I could see the concern in his weathered face.

"She don't have the security of a man's arms, she don't have a partner to confide in, and she don't have a nobody to lay on top of her a sweatin' and a grindin' tryin' to knock the bottom out of that puddin' at night." Granddaddy said as the cucumber he was whittlin' on began to take shape.

I thought about Granddaddy's words as the cucumber he was whittlin' began to take the form of a big ole' pecker. Granddaddy has always been a patriot and a Republican. He taught me and my little brother, Cornbread, what it means to say the pledge, wave the flag, and vote Republican. I reckon that's how I became the Country Music Star I am today.

"You know Pud, even all the way over here in Tennessee, them 'Raqi's is able to terrorize good Americans like Mrs. Johnson. The arm of them terrorists reaches all the way to Mrs. Johnson's puddin' by takin' her husband and makin' her do without! Well, tonight your granddaddy is a soldier in the War On Terror! I'm going straight to into Ole' lady Johnson's house and devastate her puddin' with shock and awe! Ole' lady Johnson is trying to keep the home fire burnin' for her husband, and tonight I am going over there to stoke that fire, and smoke out the terrorists' grip on her puddin'! We can't let them terrorists win! This is a war to preserve morals, family values, and the puddin' of women like Mrs. Johnson! We've got to fight for people like you and me who are white and Republican!" Granddaddy said as he turned to leave, taking the giant cucumber dildo with him. I reckon Granddaddy knew he'd have to bear arms to fight them terrorists, and he knew they wouldn't stand a chance against that mighty cucumber dildo!

As he walked out the screen door to begin his mission, my little brother Cornbread burst into the room. He had been eavesdropping around the corner. "But Granddaddy, you promised Grandma Enola Gay that you had changed your fornicatin' ways!" With little brother's words, Granddaddy turned back around, and a pained look came over his face. "Boys, I know I promised your Grandma I wouldn't run around no more, but it's like President Bush said -- 9/11 changed everything! Well, almost everything. Your Grandma is still an old bitch, and she won't give me any. Now you boys go on to bed, I've got a war to fight!"

With those words Granddaddy left. I sat there in the kitchen and marveled at how brave my Granddaddy Steamboat was. I reckon President Bush is a lot like my Granddaddy. He's willing to f**k the American People in order to get himself a little piece of Iraq's puddin'! We can't expect President Bush to change his "War President" ways anymore than we can expect my horny ole' Granddaddy to stop fornicatin'! That's why we've got to re-elect President Bush: 9/11 changed everything!

[delete_bush]

4. Kathleen K. rocks!

[Johnny_wishbone]

6. Oh boy

I'm going to LOVE IT HERE!!!

[Snellius]

7. Kuntly for Bush?

Marx said that history repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as comedy.

[Mixxster]

9. Great site. n/t

[Gyre]

11. Really great site! Thanks

But that's cause I'm a sick bastard too.:)

Gyre