Now on CNN: Low Carbs!!!!

[RBHam]

Never mind about impending Armageddon...you've got to lose weight!

Holy fuck...

[Mattforclark]

1. It's the most important issue of the day

What is John Kerry's plan for lower carbs? Does he even have one? How can I vote for such a person?

[ezee]

2. When the going gets tough, they bury there heads! n/t

[rucky]

3. This calls for a REVOLUTION!

[Mattforclark]

4. You say you want a revolution?

You're trying for a revolution
Yet we know
You just want to rule the world
Do you know if it's evolution
Do you know
We don't want to change the world
Look for weapons of mass destruction
We all know that they're not anywhere about
And it's never going to be right
Do you even have a solution
Can we know
We'd all love to know you can
Don't ask me for a contribution
'Cause you know
We know Osama ran
But if you want our votes for a man who loves to hate
All we can tell you Dubya, it's much too late
It's never going to be right
You keep changing the Constitution
Why we know
All these things are in your head
The White House is the Institution
This we know
You'd better fix your home instead
But if you censor our TV shows, where will we go
You're not going to win, we all want our porno
It's never going to be right
Alright, alright.

[DenverDem]

10. "We all want to change the world."

Great work on the lyric update.

Someone should record it that way.

[MoonRiver]

5. divert and defeat

[ozymandius]

6. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs

but it, like everything else, means nothing when I think about how my high-carb beer will make me extraordinarily huge.

[greatauntoftriplets]

7. WHAT?!?!?!?!?

They're ignoring the final episode of "Friends"???

[frank frankly]

8. and we have a winner. LOL!!!

thank you for the laugh. shitty day here and out there in "reality."

:hi:

[SammyWinstonJack]

9. LOL! Whatever it takes to make a buck!

doncha know? Stop the World, I wanna get off!

[Wonk]

11. And, ironically enough, today is also "International No Diet Day"

http://www.google.com/search?q=%22no+diet+day%22

:eyes:

[stevedeshazer]

12. Makes me want to break out in song!

America the Beautiful! Sing along with me now...

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain, (oops, no carbs allowed)
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain! (five servings a day)
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee (and all the industry lobbyists)
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet (?)
Whose stern, impassioned stress (Thanks, Calvinists)
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness! (unless you were a Native)
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control, (don't masturbate)
Thy liberty in law!

O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife.
Who more than self the country loved (like George!)
And mercy more than life! (sorry, Karla Faye Tucker)
America! America!
May God thy gold refine (into big bricks for the wealthy)
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain divine! (All Hail King George!)

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam (what the hell is an alabaster city, anyway?)
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee (as long as you are a contributing Republican)
And crown thy good with brotherhood (as long as it's not gay)
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for halcyon skies, (chemtrails?)
For amber waves of grain, (nOt good for low-carb diet)
For purple mountain majesties
Above the enameled plain! (enameled?)
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till souls wax fair as earth and air
And music-hearted sea!

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till nobler men keep once again
Thy whiter jubilee! (bet you didn't know about that "whiter part")

[damnraddem]

13. Not low carbs -- NO CARBS:

No Cheney, No Ashcroft, No Rumsfeld, No Bush!