Gipperporn: Four Days In, Reagan Still Deceased

[kofijoe]

Amusing post from Wonkette....

June 08, 2004

Gipperporn: Four Days In, Reagan Still Deceased

So glad that the nets are going wall-to-wall with the Reagan stuff for the fourth consecutive day. Otherwise we might forget that he's dead. At this point, however, the strain of keeping the story alive is starting to show. Fox, for instance, has run out of famous Reagan fanatics; this morning they interviewed one of the soldiers guarding the president's casket.
Fox: Did you ever meet Reagan?
Marine (who appears to be approximately 18 years old): Uh, no, sir.
Fox: How much of an honor is it to be doing this duty?
Marine: It's a great honor.
Clearly, things are getting desperate; at some point, they may have to interview someone who didn't like the guy.

And in case you were wondering: Still dead.

[cestmoi]

1. I'm waiting to see the Nielson ratings. Its their wetdream that

people are interested.

[Kid_A]

2. That's a good interviewer.

Fox: How much of an honor is it to be doing this duty?
Marine: It's a great honor.
Fox: Do you think Reagan could take both Jesus and Santa Clause in a fight?
Marine: Absolutely, sir.
Fox: Do you agree that President Reagan makes Mother Theresa look like a crack whore in comparison?
Marine: No doubt about it, sir. Crack whore.
Fox: Did you know President Reagan once saved a litter kittens from a burning warehouse?
Marine: I did know that, sir.
Fox: Did you know that President Reagan shat solid gold?
Marine: I wasn't aware of that particular fact, sir.
Fox: Well, it's true.
Marine: I believe you, sir.
Fox: You should, because we're fair and balanced.
Marine: Absolutely, sir.

[Another Bill C.]

3. They just want to be on hand

for the resurrection.

[calimary]

He'll become the new Generalissimo Francisco Franco - who's STILL dead!

I can just see the "Saturday Night Live" jokes about it.

If it drags on and on and on all week, it will start to turn comical. It WILL bore and tire people. Especially the people who are too young to remember him and have even shorter attention spans than he did. It'll be meaningless to most of 'em.

Drag anything out too long, and people will get sick of it. So let 'em have their orgy.

[tom_paine]

4. Welcome to DU, kofijoe!

:toast: :toast:

Nice quotes.

[BJ]

5. Thank god for NewsWorld International!

If you're lucky enough to have a cable or satillite provider that carries NewsWorld International. This is the cable news network that Al Gore is purchasing.

[Career Prole]

6. While Ashcan was being grilled and threatened with contempt of

Congress, guess what CNN had? Taped coverage of the dress rehearsal for the "caisson crew"!!
That's right, DU! While we were messing around watching that silly ol' Congressional thingy-wingy, CNN was treating their viewers to the solemn display of the military pallbearers practicing the marching up to, and loading the casket on, the caisson.
<golf announcer voice on> What a splendid sight they are in their full dress uniforms. The synchronized precision, the reverential silence, the solemn faces as they perform the side-step maneuver, arms outstretched to position the flag-draped casket over the caisson, then lowering in unison to place down the casket bearing the great man for his final journey...<golf announcer voice off>
ONLY THERE WASN'T ANY CASKET! These guys were doing all this empty-handed. National coverage of...WHAT, EXACTLY!?
Sorry for yelling, but sometimes it all seems so...irrational.
:wtf: