Gee it's tough being a Republican!! (aw)

acmavm

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Tue Jun-08-04 07:59 PM
Original message

Gee it's tough being a Republican!! (aw)

From an e-mail I got today:

It is very tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow, you
have to believe concurrently that:

1. Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and
Hillary Clinton.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our
highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3."Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving
their jobs to India.

4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body;
but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all
humankind without regulation.

5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers
for your recovery.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops
in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday
run for governor of California as a Republican.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.

10. HMOs and insurance companies make good profits; and have the
interest of the public at heart.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

13. It is okay that the Bush family's "Carlisle Group" has done millions of business with the Bin Laden family.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld
reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him,
but then a bad guy again when Bush junior needed a prop for his
re-election campaign as the "war president."

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense. A president lying about WMD existence, to enlist support for
an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands of
soldiers and civilians die, is, somehow, solid "defense" policy in a
"War Against Terrorism".

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include "banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet".

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades; but
George Bush's Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's library, and is none of our business.

18. What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s was of vital national interest; but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist; but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a "spirit of international
harmony".

20. Affirmative Action is wrong; but it is OK for your Daddy and his
friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale
without studying much, to dodge the draft in the Texas Air National
Guard, to bail out your company Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers,
to get the Governorship of Texas and then to have the Supreme Court
appoint you President of the USA.

21. You are a conservative; but it is OK to spend like there is no
tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who do not need it.

These illogical behaviors and contradictory beliefs can take a toll on a healthy mind. So if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice: he or she may be a Republican!