Sixteen things I would be willing to vote for instead of George W. Bush:

[Paragon]

http://www.theonionavclub.com/ssf/index.php?issue=4025


Patton Oswalt

• Anal rape

• That scene from Dumbo where Dumbo's mom cradles him in her trunk and he starts to cry

• Four years of constantly being hit in the genitals with an ax handle by Avril Lavigne

• Avril Lavigne's music

• A new STD that makes angry hornets spontaneously generate in your anus, and it's caused by masturbation

• Every time you blink, you crap your pants

• The vague feeling of hopelessness that you get on a rainy Sunday morning when you've just fucked someone you shouldn't, and now you have to think of a way to let them down easy, and you realize that the pain you've caused in your life is starting to come back on you threefold, and you can no longer feel joy, and also there's an under-skin zit inside your nose

• The body odor of a two-pack-a-day cigarette smoker in an elevator

• Vanilla Coke

• Contagious, airborne cancer

• Italian food tastes the way it does at The Olive Garden from now on

• A lost puppy slowly freezing to death at 5:11 a.m. on Christmas

• Reagan's corpse

• Orgasms can only be reached while listening to "Meet Virginia" by Train

• All children look like Donald Pleasence until they're 11

• John Kerry

[Dirty Hippie]

1. How about Louise?

.

[Swamp Rat]

2. I'll take the last one...

"All children look like Donald Pleasence until they're 11"

Fuck that was funny!

Is that you THX1138?

[Booster]

3. Don't forget the....

groundsquirrel.

[fujiyama]

4. How about: I'd rather drink

rancid milk every morning for the rest of my life...
Or drink warm beer!

[LynneSin]

8. Wait, there are some beers I like warm - like Guiness

so that wouldn't be too bad of an idea!

[thebobartist]

5. I'd probably rather vote for Bush's corpse

than I would Bush living. Only if someone good got to pick his cabinet members, though.

[Paragon]

6. daytime kick

:dem:

[LynneSin]

7. The body odor of a two-pack-a-day cigarette smoker in an elevator....

....that is the absolute worse smell topped only by The body odor of a two-pack-a-day cigarette smoker using bad perfume to mask the smell in an elevator.

But I'll still take that over Bush