The Giant Republican Blame-Away Machine

[Miss Authoritiva]

The Giant Republican Blame-Away Machine

By Miss Authoritiva

"All governments…fall afoul of the same stupidities…. The variable is the character and quality of the excuses."
-- Lewis H. Lapham

A tearfully departed George Tenet and a defiantly sincere Richard Clarke. That's all we have to show for horrific breaches of national security, nose-thumbing foreign policies, two botched wars, and looted government finances. Otherwise, nobody even vaguely associated with the Bush Administration has been given a single demerit point.

Did anybody check the back of the Bush II inauguration program for a legal disclaimer?

Well give the devils their due. You have to admire how the Bush Administration has pulled it off so far. (Reassuring foreshadowing: But their very success is going to be their undoing.) Of course, they didn't invent the art of savvy, preemptive self-exoneration, but oh how they have used it, turned it inside out, and used it again.

In government, rule number 1 is never to look into anything unless the widows and orphans refuse to go away. The Bush Administration got cornered. Even so, the split-decision findings of the 9/11 Commission and the Senate probe into the government's epochal intelligence failures proved rule number 2: if it's not a total loss, it's a win. The spin was spun. The fault, dear citizens, lies not in the Bush Administration but in the disasters and catastrophes themselves.

So how did they do it?

Simple really. The Bush people completely eliminated the human element. That's it. All bad events are self-caused. Shit happens. We have moved way beyond the days of "mistakes were made." This is the 21st century after all; mistakes now make themselves.

You know, looking back we should have seen it coming, especially when Bush's military records expunged themselves and Florida votes voided themselves. Thus, with the giant Republican blame-away machine finely calibrated:

__Wars start themselves.
__Institutions fail themselves.
__Deficits create themselves.
__Intelligence misinterprets itself.
__Projections miscalculate themselves.
__No-bid contracts award themselves.
__Detainees torture themselves.
__Funds misappropriate themselves.
__Leaks leak themselves.
__Assertions falsify themselves.
__Recommendations ignore themselves.
__ _____________________________.
__ _____________________________. (Add your own entries to the list.)
__ _____________________________.


After more than 3 years of nonstop cranking, the giant Republican blame-away machine has flooded the market with standardized excuses, mass produced rationalizations, and customized absolutions. The downside of all this self-exoneration grows more obvious every day: no one ever appears to be in control. Not a desirable image for a commander-in-chief and his lesser chiefs, is it? And there is wicked irony to savor here too. Bush and Cheney have paid for their no-fault insurance with the very thing they were trying to save: their electability.

[hippiegranny]

1. Brava, Miss A!

Well said!!!

[cthrumatrix]

2. they desire zero critical thinking...don't connect any dots...don't read

newspapers outside the US.

It's called brainwashing.

[Karenina]

3. From where I sit

The most egregious loss the American public has suffered under the *cabal is GOVERNMENT ACCOUNTABILITY. Great post, Missy. :toast:

[Miss Authoritiva]

4. Commissions stonewall themselves.

Suggested by my spouse-type person, who felt he's too computer illiterate to type it in himself.

[ClassWarrior]

5. Great MEME! The "Shit Happens" administration!

[whistle]

6. Here is another one...

_ Jobs eliminate themselves

That's right, today's jobs report not only show an anemic gain for July (just 32,000 when nearly 300,000 were being whispered around the financial centers), but the jobs that were reported in the two prior months of May and June were adjusted downward by 61,000 jobs making this the poorest economic recovery for American workers since the great depression of the 1930's. I predict that August will be reported once again with a major job surge for the economy (driven only by statistical slight of hand, but played up following the GOP/NRC). There will be much fanfare by republicans and those who question the data will be labeled as nay-sayers, pessimists and un-American, who have no faith in the American spirit and optimism.

Well, I walked down the isles of the local K-Mart store (Orlando FL) this afternoon and they were practically deserted of any customers. The Super Wal-Mart in my area is doing a little better, but the parking lots are only half filled. A new super up-scale shopping mall that opened three years ago boasting up-scale department stores such as Neumann Marcus, Lord & Taylors and numerous fashion shops that appeal to high end consumer market, are beginning to show clear signs of slowing down in my area. One would think that this segment of affluent consumers with all its generous tax refunds and earning power would be out-spending the rest of us into prosperity, at least according to Bush's trickle-down supply-side economic engine that our president is giving lessons on in many of his speeches.

Well, a gallon of milk just went up again to $3.89, when just 12 months ago after being at $2.49 for years, dairy items began their relentless monthly price climb. My company medical insurance payments increased this past April, while benefits went down and co-pays rose. My take-home pay is $100.00 less per month as a result. The cost of DVD movie rentals jumped $1.00, movie theater tickets rose $.50 last month, popcorn, soft drinks, those big boxes of candy you get in movies all went up and my favorite theater that offered two free refills of popcorn on the largest size, stopped doing that.

The stock market knows all of this and more. So I expect a major free fall in the coming months. The Bushit line will be that the economy is in a correction mode and don't be surprised if Bush actually comes our prior to the election and says, "The economy did turn the corner for some Americans and I know who they are, prosperity is just around the corner for the rest of all hard working Americans. And you know who you are!"

The overwhelming reply to that crap should be, "We know who Kerry and Edwrads are and we'll be voting for them, not you and Dick Cheney. So, do you know where the exit door is Mr. Bush? Don't let it bang too hard as you leave."

[Miss Authoritiva]

7. Great addition to the list.

I often wonder if micro-economists go to the malls and shopping strips to make their observations. They should. They should also listen to the checkout line chatter in the supermarkets. It's very instructive.

One of my favorite overheard comments was between two near-retirees: they both cut back their cable bills by getting basic programming only, and they'd drop that too if the reception without cable wasn't so awful. Then one suggested that they should start a videotaping pool: those who still had expanded cable could tape and circulate the shows that the have-nots are missing.

Any comments, Mr. Greenspan?

[HFishbine]

16. Milk $3.89?

It's $4.19 here, up from $3.29 in two months.

[SoCalDem]

8. Photoshop opportunity

New Improved...

BLAME AWAY..

a spritz here..a spritz there..

and all that pesky BLAME is

GONE GONE GONE..

AND IN ITS PLACE..


A HINT OF MINTY-FRESHNESS

AND AN WARM ORANGE GLOW..

[ClassWarrior]

9. LOL

[Miss Authoritiva]

11. Of course it would be NEW and IMPROVED!!

This is America after all. We couldn't be using the OLD and UNIMPROVED BLAME-AWAY (which was taken off the market a few months ago because of concerns over mutagenic side effects).

[SoCalDem]

12. I made a cartoon of it..

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=104&topic_id=2171549&mesg_id=2171549

[Miss Authoritiva]

13. Don't miss this great "ad."

I nominated it for the homepage, SoCalDem.

One quibble: I'm not so sure Minty Fresh Blame-Away is non-toxic. Then again, with Bush's people in the FDA, who can prove that it isn't. Spray and enjoy!

[milkyway]

10. bush has a great campaign theme: "Don't Blame Me."

[Miss Authoritiva]

14. Swift Boat Liars launch themselves.

Swift Boat Liars launch themselves.

[Karenina]

15. Oh, how they LIE,

with a little help from their friend$
They think they'll get by
with a little help from their friend$
but when they get BUSTED
then they go no more friend$
on their own, got no mo' "F-R-I-E-N-D-$$$"
da da da dada dadada DAAAAA....