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Assume the Bush boy gets his supporters' second most fervent wish and abolishes the federal income tax in favor of a federal sales tax. Watch what will happen:
At first, people will rejoice. No income tax! No IRS! We get to keep All The Money We Earn!
Then will come the realization that the one-dollar can of chili is now a $1.35 can of chili. Gee, this kinda sucks.
The $20 pair of jeans is now a $27 pair of jeans. This is starting to suck worse.
And the $20,000 Honda Accord you've had your eye on? It's now a $27,000 Honda Accord. This REALLY sucks. Accords aren't worth $27,000!
You're standing in the supermarket line, waiting to pay the 35 percent upcharge demanded by the new Federal Sales Tax Service, and a nice lady behind you starts commenting on it. "Yeah, I really hate having to pay that much too. Why don't you come by tonight? I think you'll enjoy yourself."
What the hell...you weren't doing anything else, now that tickets to bad movies have gone from $10 to $13.50.
You knock on the door, and an impeccably dressed couple greets you. There are a number of other couples there with you. After a few drinks, the lady of the house announces that "the festivities are about to begin" and leads you to the basement...where you notice that the pool table has been shoved to the side, racks of groceries dominate the space, and a cash register is parked by the door. "It's all tax free, and the prices are great! Fill your carts! It's just like the old days!" Yes, it's true, you've stumbled into a Snack House...the new version of a crack house, where instead of mind-altering substances canned goods are peddled under cover of darkness.
Apparently, these Snack Houses have been popping up all over America. Shoppers frustrated that the National Sales Tax has eliminated meats and fresh vegetables from their diets but their overall tax bill has not gone down have started selling black-market foodstuffs. Free of national and state sales taxes, and therefore a felony to possess, Snack House foods are estimated to hold a solid 40 percent of the market six months after the imposition of the tariff. Similarly, Wear Houses sell clothing, Tunage Houses sell CDs and DVDs, and House Houses sell building materials.
Where, you might ask, do these Houses get their merchandise? Simply put, hijackings are the key to the whole system. A truck loaded with computers for sale in Miami is pulled over by men armed with machine pistols, unloaded with speed and efficiency using a stolen forklift--the National Office of Snack House Control urges all forklift owners to chain the machines to the nearest beam, a tactic which has not slowed the crime rate but has drastically increased sales at stores that sell chain--then distributed to the House network for sale in Byte Houses.
One of the groups most affected by the House network is the American retailer. They order stuff, have it shipped in and wind up getting an empty truck because all of the stuff is now in the House supply channel. The A&P chain did try fending off this sort of activity by selling merchandise to the House network, reporting it as being stolen and reaping the profits. But after receiving a surprising amount of flammable orange juice, the kind that spontaneously combusts in the middle of the night and burns your distribution centers and stores to the ground with massive loss of life, A&P has cut off ties to the House network. There have been sweeping layoffs across this critical sector, the one part of the economy Bush hasn't figured out how to outsource to China, as a result of the stores having nothing to sell.
The government is fighting back, of course. The National Office of Snack House Control is authorized to use dynamite to destroy any building suspected even peripherally of being involved in the House network, and to execute by firing squad anyone found operating, supplying or purchasing from a House. It hasn't worked, though; not only do Houses thrive thanks to fiscal necessity and tight information control, they have incorporated, unionized their employees, purchased body armor for the people involved in the supply chain, started selling franchises and even started advertising. This campaign buys the back cover of major magazines, where they tell you that you should stay away from the illegal Auto House where you can buy a new Toyota Tundra for only $12,995, to not enter the illegal Snack House where Del Monte ketchup is on sale this week for 99 cents for a 24-ounce bottle, and to avoid at all costs the illegal Tunage House where Fahrenheit 9/11 Part Two is now on sale for only $14.95.
Plans are being made now to eliminate all of the Houses. A cabal of traitorous American Senators are planning to enter the Oval Office and hold pResident Bush at gunpoint until he repeals the National Sales Tax and reimposes the Federal Income Tax. When asked by this reporter where the senators got the guns, one casually mentioned "oh, we went to the local Gun House."
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