Nimrod's campaign reform

[Nimrod]

If this is truly the country we say it is, it is the candidates' responsibility to convince us, NOT our responsibility to be convinced. Therefore, I present four things that will be outlawed when I become the lord and master of all creation.


1. Speech writers. Candidates are required to sell themselves BY themselves rather than relying on people who are more accomplished liars than they are.


2. Corporate campaign donations. Donations must come from private individuals, not robber barons looking to buy themselves a politician. For that matter, donations must be capped at $1,000 and a spending limit will be put on an individual's campaign. Go ahead, prove to us that you can solve a problem without just throwing more money at it. If you run out of money halfway through the campaign season, you're probably not qualified to handle the economy.


3. Media saturation. 30-second sound bytes do nothing but confuse the issues. Candidates can have weekly "fireside chats" that are broadcast on the networks and radio stations. Thirty minutes to an hour each week to address the public, present their issues, and answer a few unscripted questions.


4. Scripted debates. Even notecards will be outlawed. An issue will be tossed out and the candidates will be put on the spot to discuss it off the cuff. MAYBE we'll give them three minutes to prepare themselves if we're feeling magnanimous, but nobody else can be consulted in that three minutes. We're looking for honest response, not scripted spin.


In addition, we will designate a certain week that candidates are allowed to talk about each other. The first week of August will be called "National Asshole Week". During that week, there will be daily, hour-long presentations by each of the candidates pointing out what a completely incompetent asshole the other guy is. The candidates will be isolated during this week, without access to advisors or any knowledge of what their opponent is saying. Then on the final day, each candidate will have a list of reasons that they are an asshole presented to them and they can use the last day of Asshole Week for rebuttal.

All the rest of the time, candidates are only allowed to talk about themselves and must pretend the other guy does not exist at all.


Following up on Asshole Week, we'll have a National Testing Day. Each candidate will be isolated and given a test comprising of several essay questions. A single phrase will be presented (such as 'Abortion' or 'Gun Control') and each candidate must write one paragraph on it starting with the words "In my vision of a perfect America..." After this is completed, their answers will be read publicly with no further explanation or spin permitted.


And finally, since these candidates are applying for the job of leading the country, we will have Interview Day. A completely neutral party will give each candidate a straight up job interview just like you'd get at McDonald's. The neutral interviewer can come up with his own questions, but at least one of them must be the dreaded "What would you say is your worst quality?" that we've all had to answer multiple times. The interviews will be televised on live TV with no delay, of course.


They're supposed to be working for us, so let's make them work for the chance.

[Eric J in MN]

1. Corporate donations to campaigns are already illegal

under McCain-Feingold.

Corporate executives can give up to $2,000 to Presidential campaigns and up to $4,000 to Senate races, though. Or for a married couple, $4,000 and $8,000.

[Nimrod]

3. That is true

But this administration has shown many loopholes around that one.

[Cerridwen]

2. Let's add Will Roger's idea

"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators."
Will Rogers

And, they must quote sources for their information rather than "I can't show you the documentation, I just know I'm right."

[Nimrod]

4. Addendum

National Fast-Food Season

For two months, preferably during the winter, each candidate will be given a low ranking job at a high-volume fast food restaurant. During that time they will also be given the accomodations and luxuries that they could reasonably pay for with the income from a fast food job. If they have families, their families must join them and for that time they will only have the income that the candidate earns at his fast food job. All their existing possessions will be denied them, and they must go out and buy all their clothes, toys, kitchen utensils, etc. with a predetermined budget - say 200 dollars, just to be generous.

Note that they will be expected to pay rent for the second month. If the candidate cannot earn enough money during the first month to pay rent and utilities for the second, then he and his family must get by as best they can. If this means they all move into a shelter and must apply for food stamps, then so much the better.

Go ahead. Prove you're one of us.

Edit: In fact, let's make this three months, October through December. Let these people have to do their Christmas shopping at the dollar store for once.