What must Republicans do to get into heaven?

[quaoar]

Clearly they have many sins to atone for. But God forgives everyone, even Bush. Maybe not Cheney, though.

Anyway, the list would be long, starting with:

1. Must apologize to Max Cleland for the disgusting lies they told about him.

What else?

[htuttle]

1. Pass a camel through the eye of a needle

Just for starters.

[the_real_38]

13. good one, mate...

.... mucho funny

[NewHampshireDem]

2. Explain why they believe

"Christian" has nothing to do with "Christ."

[ClassWarrior]

4. And therein lies the true answer.

When you understand... "believe in"... take to heart... Christ... then the gates of heaven open to you.

[Mizmoon]

3. "Do not murder, do not commit adultry, do not steal,

do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'"

"All these I have kept," the young Republican said. "What do I still lack?"

Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

When the Republican heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

[Cleita]

5. Changing their registration to Democrat and

then voting Democratic would please St. Peter immensely, I am sure.

[Scro]

6. Vote for Bush, of course. Maybe if they..........

........murder an abortion doctor they'll get extra credit.

[Cleita]

7. So aborting a clump of cells is wrong because it's murder, but it's

okay to kill a doctor? Wow, logic like that leaves me speechless.

[jackieforthedems]

8. They Need To Turn Democratic

They need to wash their hands clean of Bush, repent, and turn Democratic.O8) They need to recognize what real evil is (Bush) and vote for Kerry/Edwards in November.

[ogsball]

9. Just die

preferably prior to the election.

[tom_paine]

11. A little too mean and Bush-like for my tastes

We wouldn't want to sell our souls and become as vile as the Traitorus Brownshirts who threaten to destroy America in order to turn it into a One-Party Empire, now would we?

[tom_paine]

10. Nothing. Isn't following the AntiChrist a Mortal Sin?

Which would mean it's IMPOSSIBLE for them to do so, right?

Someone educate me on this, please...

[Cleita]

12. It's not a mortal sin unless you have full knowledge of what

you are doing. The devil, whose mastery is lies and deception, will try to decieve the faithful, hence the anti-Christ would appear to be Christ-like. His actions though would be the opposite. Here the Bible is almost inviting you to think critically and not follow like sheep. Interesting, no?

[Joanne98]

14. Rapture themselves..............

Then they could be forgiven.

[sweetheart]

15. For a republican to become enlightened?

So much depends on the republican. The eisenhower sort would simply
need to reaffirm their christian vows of turning the other cheek,
goodwill and love towards their fellow humankind.

The neocon mass murdering sort is a different animal. Amazing
that without *sincere* prayer to god to acquit the blood, it will
not wash off... so millions of liars arrive at heaven's gates
pretending like they have their entire lives, that they have
heard the word of god.

So the facts are explained... and the lot of liars, has to come
clean and completely and irrevocably surrender their association
with mass murderers, hatred of nonwhites, gays and hate in general.
Finally, the majority that remain reincarnate in the south as
black disenfranchised voters... no... that is the happy ending.

Rather, they are too low to reincarnate, and instead fall forever
in to the world of the hungry ghosts, where millions of souls eat
them alive to suck out their life force... and when they die they
are reborn like cattle to feed the next lot. The presumption that
any of them is going to higher realms after death is a rather large
one indeed!

[quaoar]

16. They must also

apologize for the slanderous push polls in South Carolina they ran against John McCain and the lies about how he had a black love child.

And they need to disavow ever having known anyone named Tom DeLay.

[DivinBreuvage]

17. Christ himself says it's impossible. Sorry!

When the Son of Man comes in his glory and all his angels are with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. The people of every nation will be gathered in front of him. He will separate them as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right but the goats on his left.

Then the king will say to those on his right, 'Come, my Father has blessed you! Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world....'

Then the king will say to those on his left, 'Get away from me! God has cursed you! Go into everlasting fire that was prepared for the devil and his angels! I was hungry, and you gave me nothing to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me nothing to drink. I was a stranger, and you didn't take me into your homes. I needed clothes, and you didn't give me anything to wear. I was sick and in prison, and you didn't take care of me.'

They, too, will ask, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or as a stranger or in need of clothes or sick or in prison and didn't help you?'

He will answer them, 'I can guarantee this truth: Whatever you failed to do for one of my brothers or sisters, no matter how unimportant they seemed, you failed to do for me.'

These people will go away into eternal punishment, but those with God's approval will go into eternal life.

Matthew 25:31-46 ("God's Word" translation: www.godsword.org)

[WLKjr]

19. And people bad mouth liberals

For DOING THE VERY THINGS THAT JESUS TALKED ABOUT DOING UNTO YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS, and that was basically taking care of each other and the less fortunate.

I am bookmarking this post. This is something my mother brought me up to believe and remember because it is the LIBERAL WAY and it is the right thing to do.

[alfredo]

18. For starters, they could

kiss my ass.