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George Bushs' resume. It pretty much lays it all out for ya.
--OFFICIAL RESUME-- GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20520
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
--LAW ENFORCEMENT-- * I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days.
*My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available. Too bad.
--MILITARY-- * I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. * I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use (cocaine). * By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid any combat duty in Vietnam (unlike John Kerry).
--COLLEGE-- * I graduated from Yale University with a "C-" average, and little help from my rich father. * I was on the college cheerleading team.
--PAST WORK EXPERIENCE-- * I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
* I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, so the company went bankrupt and shortly after I sold all my stock.
* I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a "sweetheart deal" that took land using Texas taxpayer money--with a little help from Daddy Bush.
* With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
--ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS-- * I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies--making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America! What an achievement...
* I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money (similar to what Arnold is doing to California).
* I set the record for the most number of executions by any governor in American history. Yes, I really like electrocuting people...
* With the help of my brother Jeb, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court, I became President after losing over 500,000 votes--despite Al Gore actually receiving the MOST number of votes of any election in the history of America.
--ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT (2000-2004)-- * I spent former President Bill Clinton's budget surplus and effectively "bankrupted" the U.S. Treasury--creating the largest deficit in the nation's history. To accomplish that, it took a lot of really hard work. Remind me: Where does the buck stop?
* In my first year in office, over 2 million American lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
* I set the all-time record for being President at the time of the biggest drop in the U.S. stock market.
* I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history on Sept. 11th!
* I set an all-time economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period in American history.
* I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has an oil tanker named after her!
* I presided over the HIGHEST gasoline prices in U.S. history. Please remind me where the buck stops.
* I invaded and occupied two countries at cost of over one billion dollars per week.
* I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period in American history.
* I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I even beat out Bill Clinton. Ha ha!
* I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations and "gifts".
* One of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.
* I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. (NOTE: More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in the history of this country).
* I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
* I created the Department of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government. Do you feel any safer?
* I've broken more international treaties than any other President in U.S. history.
* I am the first President in U.S. history to NOT PARTICIPATE in the international Human Rights Commission.
* I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
* I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
* I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
* I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television (I have a problem giving speeches without lots of teleprompting and coaching). I have a problem speaking.
* I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and WITHIN less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
* I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any single person in the history of mankind--even Marie Antoinette. I won't let it get to my head.
* I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
* I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime.
* In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends. Weapons of mass what???
* I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
* I am supporting the development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a Weapon of Mass Destruction, while I blame other countries for doing the same.
* I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice. However, I am good at weapons of "mass deception!"
* During the Iraq War and Occupation thousands of American troops were injured and killed. I did not have the time to attend any of the funerals for our fallen soldiers but I did have the time to attend more than 43 fund-raising events of the Republican party.
--RECORDS AND REFERENCES-- * All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
* All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
****PLEASE NOTE: I am still very good friends with Trent Lott, David Duke, Newt Gingrich, and John Sununu. However, I will have to lock them all in a closet during the Republican National Convention. I hope you will all understand...
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