Military funeral etiquette

[zaj]

I have a question about military funerals.

My grandfather died last week. And my mom and her brother and sister don't get along well right now, so they are fighting over everything right now.

My mom is the oldest.

From talking to her (I was unable to attend the funderal) she was presented with his folded burial flag.

Of course after the funeral, my mom's sister was upset that my mom "got" the flag. She said that their brother should have recieved it, because he is a General in the Army. He, however, is the youngest.

The Navy seemed ok giving it to my mom. My mom seemed to believe that tradition was that it is presented to the eldest (her).

I'm just curious if there is a formal tradition, and if so, what is that. The only thing I could find online is a description of the flag presentation process that states the flag is presented to "the appropriate person".

[greatauntoftriplets]

1. My father's flag was given to my mother....

If your grandmother predeceased your grandfather, it was appropriate to give it to the eldest surviving child.

It is up to your mother to decide what to do with it.

Sorry about your loss.

The fighting over the estate can get a lot worse. Be prepared.

[DemBones DemBones]

2. A couple of people were talking about what to do with

such flags in the Lounge a couple of weeks ago. They had both received their dad's flag. Maybe you can find that thread, which mentioned flags in the header, and PM one of them?

My dad was entitled to a military funeral but didn't want it so I don't know who gets the flag when the spouse is no longer living.

:shrug:

Good luck to your mom -- it's a drag fighting with your siblings when you're grown!

Edit: Everyone should leave a very specific will so their kids don't end up fighting over the estate. It's usually not over the money but over who gets Grandma's teapot, or the funeral flag. MUCH better to have it all decided in advance.

[name not needed]

3. Well, when my grandfather died, I recieved the flag.

So I really wouldn't know.

[TahitiNut]

4. What is it about the word 'next' in 'next of kin' that's so difficult?

:shrug:

Spouse/partner, adult children in order of birth, parents in order of birth, adult siblings in order of birth, adult grandchildren in order of birth, etc.

(Yep... parents in order of birth, too.) This is pretty uniform throughout all countries with laws derived from English Common Law, afaik. (IANAL)