On my latest fly-by past the Fox News Channel

[nyhuskyfan]

They are now saying that a memo is out saying that there are alerts that terrorists may use ambulances. So look out for ambulances, now. In addition to all other vehicles on land, air and sea, as well as all people. Oh -- and stay away from buildings, and watch out for your food and water. And poison pens. And coolers. Don't forget coolers.

We'll keep you posted as further events warrant.

[Warpy]

1. hey, this stuff is great

At some point, nitwits who watch Pox News and take it as gospel will be barricaded in their houses, afraid to go to the grocery, living on nothing but water and slowly suffocating as the sealed windows and doors trap all indoor pollutants idoors.

[ewagner]

2. You forgot the almanacs

and anybody who reads books.

anybody who studies history

anybody NOT at a NASCAR race.

[frylock]

7. if you packed a nascar cup car with explosives..

no way the cops could catch it!!

[Journeyman]

3. And the mall walkers. . .

don't forget the terrorist mall walkers.

[EstimatedProphet]

4. Also: terrorists breathe

so report anyone who is breathing.

[King of New Orleans]

5. All good Americuns

have been ordered to go out on their front lawns, wave their hands in the air while running in circles yelling "Terra! Terra! Terra!".

[merh]

6. If the terraists were smart (and if they existed), then they would

hollow out the bible and use them as weapons. Nothing is a sacred to the repukes than their hollow references to the good book, so the terra folks would fit in nicely...

I tried to buy a ice cooler the other day and I had to fill out forms and they said there was a 2 week waiting period... My ice melted!
<sarcasm off>

[AnnInLa]

8. just so they leave my cigarettes alone

[KelleyKramer]

9. You forgot backpacks!

Remember anyone with a backpack is a terrorist.

And if it’s a 'fanny-pack' those are the most dangerous... That’s a 'queer' terrorist.. Or maybe just a 'Freennnnch' terrorist!

[GiovanniC]

10. And Women Who Carry Purses

And people who sweat. And women who appear to be pregnant. And people wearing loose clothing.

(All of those are real warnings the news has put out there.)

[captainjack]

11. don't forget shoes

report anyone wearing suspicious, middle eastern looking shoes with any toes sticking out. beards are fair game for arrests too. and foreign looking noses.

[Cronus Protagonist]

12. Remember the people with duct tape and plastic sheets are OK

Just so we don't forget who's on what side...

http://bushspeaks.com/home.asp?did=178

[KelleyKramer]

13. Or carrying an almanac!

Remember that one?

That was a real terror warning they sent out to 1,000's of police agencies.. 'Be on the alert for anyone carrying an almanac'.. I shit you not.

Does that mean?? ... Knowledge=terrorist

[Arugula Latte]

14. Also, don't breathe air, whatever you do

It could be poisoned by terrorists.

Oh, it already has been poisoned by terrorists. Corporate terrorists.

[karlrschneider]

15. So scuba divers are off the list now??

:eyes:

[joanski01]

16. And don't forget people wearing

heavy clothing in warm weather with wires hanging out of them.

[kskiska]

17. …and don't forget to watch for foreigners

"getting into cropdusters that don't belong to you."