Join us now as the Bush folks canvas the streets....

[mia]

(Received just now in an email...)



Resident: "Yeah, who is it?"

Canvasser 1: "Hello Mr. Jones, this is Dick Smith and I'm walking the neighborhood reminding all of our registered Republicans to be sure to get out and vote for George W. Bush this November!"

Resident: "Okay. So what's Mr. Bush running on? Tell me something good."

Canvasser 1: "I'd be happy to, Sir! As you know Mr. Bush wants America to be a society of owners. He feels ownership is what makes America strong, sir."

Resident: "Uh huh. So he wants to privatize everything? And companies like Enron would take over the Dept. of Water and Power, and our National Park system. Something like Tyco might own all the libraries. Something like WorldCom might own the interstate freeway system. Okay, so what would it be like if one of these short-term profit-motivated companies cooking the books out of greed went belly up? What could I expect in terms of water quality and delivery if only stockholders have a vote, and I don't?"

Canvasser 1: "Uh, gee, I don't know. I hadn't thought about that. But there's this! President Bush wants to make the world safe for democracy! That's why we went to Iraq, Mr. Jones!"

Resident: "Yeah, right. Didn't he say it was because of WMD and a link to Al Qaeda, proven non-existent?"

Canvasser 1: "Ha ha ha. Good one. But that was then, this is now."

Resident: "Okay, sure. Why didn't I think of that. Kill some Muslim Dads and all their kids can't wait to vote. I feel safer already."

Canvasser 2 (whispering to friend): "Check that clipboard. Do we have the right address?"

Canvasser 2: "Yeah, I don't know what's wrong."

Canvasser 1: "Mr. Jones, President Bush wants to amend the constitution to ban same sex marriage!"

Resident: "Spend my tax dollars to legislate his hatred and keep loving, law-abiding, tax-paying citizens from living happily ever after because he's afraid of them?"

Canvasser 1 and 2 in unison: "DUH!"

Resident: "Exactly."

Canvasser 1: "And they want to let the assault weapons ban lapse."

Resident: "It isn't like they say, it is like they think; "Army tanks don't kill people. People kill people."

Canvasser 1: "That doesn't make sense."

Resident: "You're catching on!"

Canvasser 1: "Explain"

Resident: "Assault weapons are just harmless, inanimate objects until some crazed criminal picks one up. Let's legalize heroin, too! It's harmless while inanimate."

Canvasser 1: "Hmmm, "Heroin doesn't kill people. People kill people." I like it. I like it. Mr. Jones, President Bush's original focus of his administration was tax relief. Remember?"

Resident: "I'm a patriot. I pay my taxes. In full. On time."

Canvasser 2 (whispering to #1): "We've got a problem, Houston."

Canvasser 1: "Mr. Jones, remember, it's your money."

Resident: "Have you seen the freeways lately? And the budget pinch the state is in?"

Canvasser 1: "Mr. Jones, it is your money."

Resident: "Opening fire departments in Baghdad while American first responders go lacking?"

Canvasser 2: "Mr. Jones, this is Fred Brown. It is your money. This is America. You shouldn't have to pay taxes."

Resident: "Hey, I got a question for you. If America asks its young and its physically fit to fight for our freedom and our way of life, shouldn't America asks its fiscally fit to fight for our way of life, too? Doesn't a progressive tax rate structure make sense?"

Canvasser 1 (beads of sweat on forehead): "Mr. Jones! What have you been reading?"

Resident: "Well, I was just kinda thinking..."

Canvasser 1: "Stop it this instant!"

Resident: "Yeah, feels good, kinda liberating."

Canvasser 1 (sucking in air as if in shock): "Gasp! Did you say "liber..."?

Resident: "No, not 'liberal'..."


Canvasser 1 (holding ears): "Stop, please..."

Resident: "Yeah, Liberals, you know, the folks that brought you the 40-hour work week, Medicare, Social Security, wilderness protection, a living wage, clean air and water."

Canvasser 1: "How'd you know that?"

Resident: "I just read it the other day."

Canvasser 2 (whispering to 1): "How'd that get leaked?"

Resident: "Hey you guys got any registration forms?"

Canvasser 1 (eyes wide, panic setting in): "Yes, but, you're already registered Mr. Jones."

Resident: "I need to re-register, and check that other box this time."


Canvasser 1: "Mr. Jones, don't do this. Vote freedom first!"

Resident 1: "No, thanks. I'm voting responsible freedom first. Have a nice day."

[0rganism]

1. With a little editing, that could be a great DNC television ad

Kudos to the author.