Alabama Drunken Draft Dodgers For Truth: The Real Story

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

I was in Alabama in the 70's and I was a draft dodger (actually, a conscientious objector) and after 30 years of silence have decided to reveal the truth about George W. Bush during the years that so many un-American rabble rowsers continue to question.

First, the rumors of his having a child with a pied goat are wrong. The child was mine. His goat miscarried. And it was a miscarriage, he refused to allow an abortion even though the goat pleaded for one.

Second, the reports of his pissing on cars, trashing apartments without paying for the damage and yelling obscenities at policemen are all explainable.

His pissing on a car? Well, Our hero discovered one evening during research at the local pub that the owner of that car was Nikita Kruschev who was undercover as a roadie for Neil Young. In an act of self sacrifice, he drank a bottle of Tequila infused with a radioactive isotope to mark the car for easy tracking by the CIA. Would Kerry have done that? I think not.

Trashing the Apartment? I was there. After a night of boilermakers in an effort to blend in with the many indigenous commies in Alabama, George awoke the next morning and discovered BUGS. I didn't see them, but am sure that George's super sight picked them up. He was lived, clawing at walls, his clothes... everything. Screaming his anger "BUGS! BUGS! BUGS!" all the while. Of course he didn't pay for the damages. The apartment owner was an obvious commie sympathizer for allowing the Kremlin access to the apartment.

Obscenities at the police? What many people don't know is that George was on a secret mission to rid Alabama of commies and anarchists. As everyone knows, these people are all drunks and drug fiends. It was part of his cover.

There are over 8,000 drunks in Alabama who are willing to testify and lend their names to anything to get interviewed by the great journalists of our day such as Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. We demand to be heard! Your donations are sorely needed to keep our fellow drunk in office. Please send your money in unmarked bills to:

Sunrise Mission
1234 Elm Street
Lick Skillet, AL 35807

DRUNKS FOR BUSH UNITE!


on edit:

Dyslexics for Bush UNTIE!

[bahrbearian]

1. LMAO

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

9. And a kick for the evening crowd.

[Stew225]

2. Very creative and funny. It's also very

possible! Good job.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

3. They'd do it if they thought it would get them votes...

(thx)

:toast:

[Cleita]

4. LOL.

Unfortunately, your scenario is probably closer to the truth than they would want to admit, except for the pregnant goat. Dating the goat, I wouldn't put past him. The more drinks you have, the prettier they get.

[Snotcicles]

7. I don't by it

What self respecting goat would go out with that?
So you can't call it date rape. Did you see the mug on that Bush?

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

8. The goat was drunk as well. She thought he was a jack-ass.

[Zorra]

5. I hereby certify that I, too, was a drunken draft dodger in Alabama in the

70's, and that this statement by the Alabama Drunken Draft Dodgers For Truth is genuine, and that I did not get paid to sign this statement.

Otis Lee Morks
Sunset Kool Aid Mission
Jonestown, MS

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

6. Thank you. Your case of Thunderbird ships tomorrow.