A letter that will never be answered

[eridani]

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/

Dear Officials of the United States Government,

I thought I would just get in touch and let you know what is going on in my reproductive system and general private area lately. You seem really interested, and I wouldn't want to put you to the trouble of subpoenaing my medical records just to find out what's happening in my uterus.

My last period started on the 8th and ended on the 13th. I think right now I'm ovulating. You know those little midcycle twinges you can get around ovulation? I felt one yesterday. President Bush, Attorney General Ashcroft, I am very pleased to be writing to you at my monthly pinnacle of fertility. The lining of my uterus is thickening, and a mature ovum expectantly awaits fertilization in my fallopian tube. It is a very beautiful time, and this month it is concurrent with the new moon. As the moon waxes, it will gently pull the tide of my menses from me, culminating in my next menstrual period, which I expect to begin on the 6th of next month.

I know it might be hard to believe, but some guys think a woman's natural cycles and secretions are "yucky." Some guys are too squeamish to pick up a box of tampons at the drugstore if you ask them to. The first lady is lucky to have a partner like you, Mr. President, a person who wishes to be intimately involved not only in his wife's reproductive system, but in those of all the other women in America as well.

<snip>

Yours,
Emily Weinstein

[MichaelHarris]

1. I was just going to

warm up a bowl of chili until strangely I lost my appetite. :)

[Sugarbleus]

2. ROFLMAO!!!!! This is HILARIOUS!!!

My gawd, this is priceless! I've got to send it around to friends.

This is like something my sister would write. Thanks for posting. haahahah :7

[alphafemale]

3. heehee Not at all what I was expecting. Was expecting heartbreak...

...as in a letter from a soldier who had been killed or something.

[murielm99]

4. I sent this to both of my daughters.

LMAO!

[eridani]

5. Self kick

Spread this one around.

[greekspeak]

6. That should be forwarded to the Southern Baptist Convention and

Concerned Women of America. Or should that be "Busybodies who can't help meddling in every woman's life." Love it.