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please critique my article for the school newspaper re: military draft

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mark414 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 09:38 PM
Original message
please critique my article for the school newspaper re: military draft
Edited on Tue Sep-21-04 09:42 PM by mark414
Does A 2nd Bush Term Mean A Military Draft?

There’s no question about the fact that the great majority of young people don’t vote. When I ask my friends why they don’t pay attention or why they don’t vote, the most common answer seems to be, “Politics just doesn’t affect me.” Listening to candidates in almost any campaign, you seldom hear them voluntarily address issues affecting young people. And while many young people may feel slighted by this, there’s a reason for it: they know you don’t vote, so they only speak to the concerns of those who do.

But recent allegations have begun to surface (with credible evidence) that a new policy that would affect young people exclusively could be in the works should Bush win re-election this November. I’m talking about a military draft.

Last October, the Department of Defense’s ‘Defend America’ website issued a bulletin calling for up to 2,000 volunteers to man local draft boards, “if a military draft becomes necessary.” No major news outlets picked up on the story, and the notice was pulled without explanation from the website just a few days later.

Then, in November, the director of the Congressional Budget Office, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, told the House Armed Services Committee that the Army could not “simultaneously maintain the occupation at its current size, limit deployments to one year, and sustain all of its other commitments.” Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld followed that up a month later by telling Time Magazine that “we may need a bigger Army.”

More recently, the Seattle Post Intelligencer reported in May that, through the Freedom of Information Act, they had received a document revealing that the Selective Service System (SSS) is currently “designing procedures” for the implementation of a “Skills Draft” after holding a top-level meeting on it with Deputy Undersecretaries at the Defense Department. This draft would require “virtually every young American,” male and female ages 18-34 to register for the Skills Draft and list all the occupations they are proficient in to fill labor shortages throughout the government. This is a real document, having been acknowledged by both the Department of Defense and the SSS, though they said that no action is being taken on it at the present time. And even the official SSS website notes that $28 million is being spent next year to have the draft ready for activation within 75 days by March 31, 2005.

When asked about the possibility of the nation once again relying upon forced service, President Bush stated that "the country shouldn't expect there to be a draft." However, Lewis C. Brodsky, director of public and congressional affairs with the Selective Service System, said that, "the nation must be prepared to conduct one." Even Senator Zell Miller (the head of the Democrats for Bush Steering Committee), when asked about the idea of a draft said, “While I don't think we're close to that yet, that may be on down the line.”

Government whistleblower Mike Ruppert recently wrote that he has “recently learned from trusted sources on Capitol Hill that the Armed Services committees have quietly begun planning for a reinstitution of the draft.” This is not surprising considering that last year the Army fell short of its re-enlistment goal by 6.7%, and a recent survey of troops in Iraq by Stars & Stripes magazine showed that 49% of troops did not plan to re-enlist (on top of the 31% of troops who said that the War in Iraq is of little or no value for the United States).

The fact of the matter is that if President Bush really plans on winning the peace and establishing democracy in Iraq, he’s going to need more troops to do it. Our troops are stretched thin, morale is low, and the only way we’re keeping our current numbers is by implementing stop-loss procedures and forced extensions of tours of duty. Only one division of troops remains in the United States. And if we are to believe other recent allegations of the possibility of more wars should Bush win a second term, there is almost no question that a draft would be necessary.

So the next time someone asks you about this election and you tell them, “politics don’t affect me,” please remember just what’s at stake here. Tell all your friends that they need to vote in this election as if their lives depended on it. Because quite frankly, they just might.
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soothsayer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 09:41 PM
Response to Original message
1. Very nice! Maybe you should include the stuff about WOMEN being
Edited on Tue Sep-21-04 09:42 PM by soothsayer
eligible for the draft this time. You know, how Drs and Nurses would go, and I'm willing to bet ANYONE of draft age will soon become eligible.

on edit, here's one source on that http://www.hasbrouck.org/draft/health.html
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George_S Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 09:45 PM
Response to Original message
2. Mark
Do you want overall impressions or specific and detailed suggestions? I don't want to anger with with a red pencil.
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mark414 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 09:55 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. whatever you feel is necessary
this is just an editorial for the school newspaper, but if you think there's a way i could make it more concise or make my argument more effective let me know

i'm pretty thick skinned when it comes to taking criticism
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theorist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 09:56 PM
Response to Original message
4. Just a couple things.
Change "politics doesn't..." to "politics don't..." in the first paragraph.

I've also heard a lot of mothers calling up AAR recently who are very concerned about this. I know this isn't the angle you're going for, but you might want to look into this.

Find some morale data to support your claim. Most uninformed people think that all those soldiers (18-22 year old kids, by the way) are just having a good old time over there. The Army Times may be a good source for some numbers (pre-invasion/post-invasion).

Very good job! I'm glad you didn't pull a freeper and appeal to the image of flag draped coffins.
:)
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Poiuyt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 11:12 PM
Response to Reply #4
11. doesn't...don't
I think "politics doesn't affect me" sounds better. Or you could say, "I'm not affected by politics."
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welshTerrier2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 09:57 PM
Response to Original message
5. great job ... a few comments ...
Edited on Tue Sep-21-04 10:00 PM by welshTerrier2
your essay is wonderful ... it raises issues of life and death that all voters, not just young voters, should care deeply about ...

having said that, here are a few nit-picky things to consider:

1. your concluding paragraph was not a conclusion to the subject raised in your title ... perhaps consider a little restructuring like switching the last two paragraphs ... or you could change your title to something like "politics don't (doesn't?) affect me" ...

2. i'm not sure i really agree with your statement that politicians rarely address issues of concern to young people ... i think this sells young people short in some ways ... what generation will pay the bills for today's massive deficits? what are the candidates saying about education? what job market is available for those graduating from college this year? i hate to see anyone divide the generations as if we are not affected by the very same issues ... even your points about getting drafted are of concern to all generations ... those who are parents, or aunts and uncles, care very deeply that people they love may be sent to die in a war ... your statement that a draft would "affect young people exclusively" really is not true ...

hope this feedback helps you ... you wrote a great essay on a critically important point ... i've raised the draft issue with Republican co-workers who have kids of draft age ... they just can't even talk about it ... it's sad really ... they could be signing their own kid's death warrant ...

keep up the good work and keep spreading the truth ... maybe a few of "the sleeping ones" will awaken ...

btw, are you a laubach tutor ??
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mark414 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 10:04 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. a laubach tutor?
Edited on Tue Sep-21-04 10:08 PM by mark414
i don't know what that is.

i guess i'm just a regular college student (making this issue more important to me seeing as how i could get drafted myself.)

edit: i'm also making this exclusively a young person problem as it will be exclusively young students reading it
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welshTerrier2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 10:09 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. from your profile
you had a comment: "each 1 teach 1" which is the motto of the now defunct literacy training organization called Laubach Literacy ... Laubach has since merged into a new organization with Literacy Volunteers of America with which mrs. welshTerrier2 works ...

the organization provides free one-to-one basic literacy and ESL tutoring to adults who are unable to read ...

anyway, great essay on the draft ... i hope it helps convince a few students to vote for Kerry ...
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mark414 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 10:44 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. ohhhh
no...it's a song title by my friend's brother in law, this rapper iomos marad from chicago
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George_S Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 10:23 PM
Response to Original message
8. Important article
Many don't realize this may happen.

Maybe you don't really get warmed up until the 5th paragraph.

You could start with...

The Seattle Post Intelligencer reported in May that, through the Freedom of Information Act, they had received a document revealing that the Selective Service System (SSS) is currently “designing procedures” for the implementation of a “Skills Draft” after holding a top-level meeting on it with Deputy Undersecretaries at the Defense Department.

It's a kind of long and awkward sentence and it and the rest could be recast to make it more compact and forceful. But overall, it's good and is for sure well worth saying.
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mark414 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-21-04 11:02 PM
Response to Original message
10. kick
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