Please critique my work in progress - LTTE

[phylny]

The limit is supposed to be 150 words, but I'm at 198. I'd appreciate comments and suggestions - I fear I'm veering off topic. Should I stick to one topic (poverty) or the other (war)?

Thanks!

----------------

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, more Americans are now without health insurance and we have approximately 36 million poor Americans, an increase in poverty for a third straight year in 2003 during President Bush's term.

While poverty increases, Bush spends billions of our tax dollars in an unjustified war waged under false pretenses. Iraq had nothing with the terrible 9/11 terrorist attacks, posed no imminent threat to our nation, and had no ties to al Qaeda. Yes, Saddam Hussein was a horrible dictator. What price have we paid to remove him while ignoring so many others? We squander money in Iraq while Americans become poorer. We squander lives in Iraq, where more than one thousand of our brave troops have been killed. Defenseless, innocent Iraqi citizens, babies, children like ours - children who are just as adorable, just as loved as ours - have died in this unjust war. For what purpose?

Voters, arm yourselves with facts and ignore all of the garbage, all of the spin, all of the hatred. Look at the choices this administration has made with our tax dollars. After reviewing the facts, I'm voting for John Kerry and John Edwards in November.

[shockingelk]

1. some ideas

The U.S. Census Bureau reports a growing number Americans are without basic health insurance. The increase to 36 million poor Americans under President Bush shows us that his good intentions have not brought about favorable results.

We have spent billions of dollars on the spurious invasion and occupation of Iraq. Iraq was not a participant in the 9/11 attacks and the Iraq Survey Group has now determined Iraq had no WMD capacity.

Innocent Iraqi families continue to suffer and even die in a conflict we initiated. Yes, removing Saddam Hussein was in itself a noble act, but is it treasonous to note that his cruel reign has been replaced with daily car bombing and kidnappings? Meanwhile our ports remain vulnerable and millions of Americans without even a ounce of preventative health care cross their fingers and pray the Good Lord will keep clinically preventable sickness at bay.

Voters, arm yourselves with facts and ignore the spin. The misguided choices of this administration are apparent to real patriots, who focus on America's strengths, not her fears. I've reviewed the facts, and am convinced that hope is on the way. My vote on November 2nd will reflect that hope.

[shockingelk]

2. 149 words

We continue to spend spent billions of dollars on the spurious invasion and occupation of Iraq. Iraq was not a participant in the 9/11 attacks and the Iraq Survey Group has now determined Iraq had no WMD capacity.

Innocent Iraqi families continue to suffer and even die in the conflict we initiated. Yes, removing Saddam Hussein was in itself a noble act, but is it treasonous to note that his cruel reign has been replaced with daily car bombings and kidnappings?

Meanwhile our ports remain vulnerable and millions of Americans without a ounce of preventative health care cross their fingers and pray the Good Lord will keep them healthy.

The misguided choices of this administration are apparent to patriots who focus on America's strengths, not her fears. I've reviewed the facts, and am convinced that hope is on the way. My vote on November 2nd will reflect that hope.

[shockingelk]

3. "daily suicide car bombings" is better

150 words

[phylny]

7. Thanks to everyone for your help!! n/t

[Demit]

4. No, the topics are linked, right? Try this (152 words)

According to the Census Bureau, more Americans lack health insurance and have sunk into poverty for a third straight year in 2003.

But Bush spends billions in his war waged under false pretenses. Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11, posed no imminent threat to us, and had no ties to al Qaeda. Yes, Saddam was a horrible dictator. But what price have we paid to remove him while ignoring so many others? $150 billion and counting, while Americans become poorer. Tens of thousands of lives and counting -1020 of our brave troops; untold numbers of innocent Iraqi citizens. Babies, children - children who are just as adorable, just as loved as ours - have died in this unjust war. Why?

Voters, arm yourselves with facts and ignore the spin. Look at what this administration has done with our money. After reviewing the facts, I'm voting for John Kerry and John Edwards in November.

[Tsiyu]

5. Very nice I'd definitely tie kids

with Right-To-Life

[Laughing Mirror]

6. How many without basic health coverage now?

You might want to throw in that figure at the beginning (is it 45 million now, completely without, and another 20 million with only some?), to bolster the 36 million in poverty figure.

The problem with talking about poverty is that people turn off when the subject comes up, but they perk up when they learn how a general trashing of the economy leading to more poor hurts the non-poor as well. Recall that recent poll revealed that 65 percent of potential voters would vote for the president who made the economy his top issue. That neither candidate seems to have done this sounds to me they'd rather avoid the issue. Which, to my ears, sounds like the economy must be in bad shape.