If cable news was a high school

[pstokely]

originally posted in rec.arts.tv

http://groups.google.com/groups?q=%22if+cable+news+was+a+high+school&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&safe=off&selm=29545-406B95BC-104%40storefull-3315.bay.webtv.net&rnum=1

Every once in a while it occurs to me that people on cable news fit
ratherly nice high school stereotypes. So I have thought that:

Principal: Pat Buchanan very strict and has seniority

Vice Principal: Robert Novak the fascist type vice principal that brings
fear to everyone. Stop running and you have detention - favorite line.

English teacher: Greta VanSustern the hip teacher that associates well
with students but also respected

Gym/Math Teacher: Wolf Blitzer the gym teacher who believes that playing
basketball for 1/2 the class is enough. Get him as math teacher he
leaves you in tears. (I had a teacher like this in high school.)

Student president: O'Reilly the guy who wins on "orange juice not orange
aid"

School bullly/sidekick: Hannity and Colmes. Hannity the school bully
with his weak sidekick who does their homework.

School gossip: Rita Cosby. The girl you never want to talk to but
somehow knows who slept with whom.

Good girl: Kyra Philliips. The sweet girl that goes to church and works
as a volunteer for all the outreach programs.

Sick kid: Neal Covuto: Girls mother him, boys consider him no threat,
athletes use him as a mascot.

Alleged Bad girl: Kristi Muscemisci the girl that is most gossiped about
but never really sure whats true and whats not.

Rich girl: Daryn Kagen. The girl who dresses the most expensive and
drives in style.

Head cheerleader: Alex Witt the most bubbly slightly airheaded and
energetic girl in school.

Movie geek: Chris Matthews the guy you ask what good movies to see with
your girlfriend or to solve trivia questions.

Class clown: Keith Olbermann - well who else fits the mold?

Classic dumb jock: Shephard Smith sure he wins the state title in two
sports but his glory days end with graduation.

School counselor: Larry King. The guy all students tell their problems
to. The counselor who listens sympathetically and makes you feel like
your problems are not your fault.

[PROGRESSIVE1]

1. sad

[UdoKier]

2. This list is extremely FOX-leaning...

And I dispute that O'Liely would be prez of anything.

He would be the wierd-ass art teacher, always pontificating on bizarro pointless crap, bitter as hell because he never had the talent to become a real artist himself. All the students hate him and ditch his class.

And Larry King might be a guidance counselor, but he'd be the clueless half-senile one who barely understands what you're talking about but acts like he does.