I have an assignment for all of you: Write my Personal Ad

[LynneSin]

On my Yahoo Home page my daily horoscope is listed. Mind you - I'm not big into astrology, but I am bored at work today. My horoscope stated that my friends should help me in my Love Life, so I thought I'd post it here at DU and see what you folks would come up with for me. :crazy:

My Horoscope:


Daily singles love (by Astrology.com)
Ask your friends for help in your love life. Have them write a personal ad or introduce you to a great new person. Think ahead to the future and agree to anything for the present

---

So have fun - write a personal ad for me because I know I can't write one worth crap.

Here's some things about me: SWF, non-smoker, social drinker. Slightly overweight, short blonde hair, grey eyes, and I'm tall.

Things about him: (yes, it's a he - I'm straight): Preferably non-smoker and must be tall (at least 5'10 since I'm also 5'10 and I do like wearing heels). Must be clean cut, employed and self-sufficient and cannot have an over-bearing mother!!!

Things I like: Cats, Progressive Politics, Classic Rock & Classical Music, Travel, Good Books, Air America, Arthouse Movies

THings I hate: Corny crap like candlelight dinners and walks on the beach ( :puke: ), Posessive folks, Anything Republican, Born-Again Anything or fans of Country Music.

---

Ok gang - write me a good ad.

[ewagner]

1. Even though I know you only through DU

I'll give it a crack.


CONFESS! You really want to meet an attractive Liberal Female with a high IQ and strong sense of independence.

[matcom]

2. Here ya go!

SWF ISO SM - Must not have a mother, and be appreciative of pussy. Must not like dinner or be able to swim. Would prefer he not possess anything and have staunch anti-buttcracksmiley position.

[LynneSin]

3. Ok, I don't even WANT to know what slackers would answer this ad

:crazy:

[matcom]

4. you looking for Quality or Quantity answers?

:shrug:

[LynneSin]

5. baby, I'm all about the quality

you should know that too!

[WoodrowFan]

6. here you go

SWF Reds fan looking for that special male Reds fan to slide into home base. Into Double-headers, day games, road games. Liberal no-smokers only. Season ticket holders at Great American Ball Park favored! Ages: Young enough not to remember Crosley Field, old enough to remember Pete Rose. No Republicans, Dodgers fans or St. Bernards.

[LynneSin]

7. Only problem is I live in Philly

so it would be tough using those season tickets for the Reds

:shrug:

[matcom]

8. Ok. you didn't like my first one. I'll try another

SWF in CFM pumps looking for tall, non-smoking single male to play with my cats. Prefer social drinkers who would rather drip hot candle wax over my naked body then leave the candles on the table.

better?

[GOPisEvil]

9. You should write my personals ad!

:bounce:

[matcom]

11. you think?

:D

[GOPisEvil]

12. It would have to better than what's there now.

:D

[LynneSin]

14. what are CFM pumps?

:shrug:

and where in my likes did I say "Kinky"

[GOPisEvil]

15. Come F*ck Me

Edit - that's not a command, it's what CFM stands for. :D

[matcom]

16. answer

Come F*ck Me

reserved for especially high stilleto heels :D

[felonious thunk]

10. Hey guys

You. Me. Kahunaville. Tonight. 11pm. I'll be wandering around dousing the torches with beer.

[LynneSin]

13. ewww....I won't be caught dead in that place

Geez, let me guess - you tried to sneak in underage to the "Playground"

:eyes:

[felonious thunk]

18. Alright, I don't know what the Playground is

And I was of age when I went to Kahunaville, although just barely. It was lame lame lame lame. And even at that early age, I recognized how lame it was.

Plus it had that Wilmington rotting fish and sweaty sock smell.

[LynneSin]

19. Playground was in West Fairview near the Super Donuts

(which was right down the road from that shopping center that had Kmart).

Geez, I am old

Only reason I ever went to Kahunaville was because I had just moved to Wilmington and I had no idea where the good bars were located

[felonious thunk]

24. Ah ok

That has some different name now, I forget it, but it's still much the same place. Super Donuts! That place has been closed for probably 15 years!

[AlCzervik]

17. Instead of saying tall

how about Statuesque? Maybe it will weed out some of the loons, or then again it could be a buzz word for the fetish folks, anyhow, i like that word better than tall.

[geniph]

20. Statuesque tends to be used to mean tall and full-figured

which most readers will interpret as BBW.

How about this:

Are you tired of Dittoheads? Me too. Tall blonde SWF seeking tall male, NS, LD for friendship, intelligent political discussions, and ? No deadbeats, mama's boys or sentimentality, please - I'm not the high-maintenance candlelight and red roses type. Must be approved by the household felines. Reds season ticketholders especially encouraged to apply.

[Missy Vixen]

21. Okay, I'm good at this

It got me a husband. However, I make no guarantees. ;-) My ad was entitled, "They Shoot Non-HWP's, Don't They?"

The Real Deal

Me: Tall, blonde SWF, NS, SD. Loves cats, music (except for an unfortunate allergy to country,) reading, traveling, arthouse movies and voting Democratic in November. You: Tall, clean-cut single adult male, non-smoker, great sense of humor, independent and self-sufficient. Let's have a relationship so wonderful that it defies description.

I'm not born again, and you shouldn't be either. Extra points for Democrats. Contact me now, and avoid the rush!

Okay, LynneSin, here's some thoughts on the above: It's good to put in an age range. It's also good to create a "sense of urgency", so they'll answer your ad first.

Best of luck; I hope you'll get other suggestions from DU'ers as well!

Julie
edited because, well, I keep thinking of things to add or subtract!

[rucky]

22. SWF Looking For M, NS, Who Looks & Earns Like a Republican

but Acts & Thinks Like a Liberal.

[Bossy Monkey]

23. You wrote it already silly

Just take out the bits about possessiveness and the over-bearing mother (can discuss these things later, will scare people away in a personal ad); rephrase "slightly overweight". Winds up something like this:

SWF, non-smoker, social drinker. 5'10, height/weight more or less proportional, short blonde hair, grey eyes.

Seeking SWM, non-smoker at least 5'10, clean cut, employed and self-sufficient

Things I like: Cats, Progressive Politics, Classic Rock & Classical Music, Travel, Good Books, Air America, Arthouse Movies

Things I hate: Corny crap like candlelight dinners and walks on the beach, Anything Republican, Born-Again Anything, or Country Music.

[LynneSin]

25. After reading some of these lame personal ads....

I've decided it was best to just ditch the whole idea and meet men the old fashioned way: Get em drunk in the bar and bring em home!!



(ok, just kidding)

[kclown]

26. If you make me the mother of your children,

I won't permit them to die in an idotic war.

[ScreamingMeemie]

27. CONFESS! You really wanna go out with this chick!!

:hi: