How to tell if your US Congressman is a Space Alien

[VelmaD]

Ok. So I'm standing in line in the grocery store talking to God_bush_n_cheney on the cell phone when I see this week's Weekly World News. The big headline this week..."12 Members of Congress are Space Aliens". I start cackling and he MAKES me buy it. And inside it has sings to tell if your representative is an alien. And here they are for your edification:

1. Space aliens can be high-handed and act superior because they come from advanced cultures and are far more intelligent than you are. If you feel a congressman talks down to his constituents or patronizes them shamelessly, he might be from another world.

2. Space aliens never quite assimilate the meanings of words in English and use words in ways that are wildly nebulous and abstract. If you notice that your eyes are glazing over and you're getting sleepy while listening to a congressman try to answer a simple question or give a speech, chances are he's got alien blood flowing through his veins.

3. Space aliens are very good at seeing shades and levels of reality that humans are too primitive to recognize or understand. If a congressman "speaks out of both sides of his mouth" or even seems to lie through his teeth, he may be a space alien who hasn't yet learned that you aren't evolved enough to understand that "black" and "white" and "up" and "down" are the same thing.

4. Space alien females tend to be homely or even look like men in wigs and women's clothes. In a congressman purports to be female, but doesn't quite look it, you'll want to keep an eye on her.

5. Space aliens don't always show up on camera. If you seldom see a particular congressman on national television - or watch legislative action on C-SPAN and notice some empty chairs - don't take it likely.

And there you have it. Is YOUR congressman a space alien? :)

[Cuban_Liberal]

1. Sadly, mine is just a Freeper...

At least if he were an alien, he might be interesting...:shrug:

[demnan]

2. No, mine is a fiesty Irishman

but my Senators are from the planet butthead

[yardwork]

3. This is aimed directly at Kerry and other liberals.

Most of the tabloids are owned by Rupert Murdoch's empire. Enough said.

[VelmaD]

4. I dunno...

#2 sure sounds like Shrub. And as for #5...when was the last time you saw Cheney on TV? :)

[agates]

5. Janklow space alien?

Is my (former) congressperson a space alien? Anything is possible. You'd think they would have discovered that when they strip-searched him during his jail intake process. Now there's a picture...



Herseth for Congress!!!

[Lars39]

6. So....Frist makes the short list!!!!

If that man isn't an alien, he ought to be.