Wedding Registries: Necessary evil, or greed gone wild?

[Missy Vixen]

I just looked up registries for two weddings we're invited to this summer. All parties involved are in their 30's, all parties involved are cohabitating as well. All parties involved are basically replacing everything in their kitchen via the registry, while asking for multiple china patterns, crystal, silver, the works.

One of the couples is asking for TWO Kitchen Aids. Yes. TWO. (She wants both colors.) They've asked for a set of All-Clad. She's also asking for furniture. They are registered at FOUR different stores.

We must have been weird or something. Our registry was fairly short. We asked for a few things, and were very shocked and delighted to receive beautiful and costly items (for instance, an entire set of Henckels knives, complete with block,) we didn't ask for.

What do you all think about this?

Julie

[Coventina]

1. Greed gone wild

Everything about the wedding industrial complex is E V I L !!!!!!!

How can anyone, who is in their 30s and has an established household justify asking people to upgrade their equipment?

Give them a nice card and tell them you've made a generous donation to the Kerry campaign in their honor!!

[SW FL Dem]

24. Necessary Evil but

You shouldn't feel compelled to buy off the list. I was invited to a wedding this summer. The bride was the mother of one of my son's friends. It was her third, the groom's second and their gift list didn't have much of anything under $100 on it. I gave them a gift certficate to one of the stores where they had registered and told them to buy something they wanted with it.

[Donkeyboy75]

2. Necessary evil

It's nice to know what couples want, but I think there are two reasons they get way out of hand (I registered for my wedding, so I know):

1) Pushy salespeople. They try to get you to register for too much, telling you that it's good to over-register than under-register. This is bullshit. They want you to overregister so that when you return things, you only get store credit and HAVE to spend it there. Marshall Fields is a good example of a VERY pushy place, and my wife and I withdrew our registry there the second time we went because of this.

2) Greed.

We received a lot of cash and spent it on a kick-ass honeymoon.

[GOPisEvil]

3. It depends...

...in the situation you describe, it's greed gone wild. But in some cases where the couple doesn't have much, it's a chance to get a head start on their lives together.

[Missy Vixen]

8. I like the ones where the couple

really doesn't have a lot. We like spending a bit more to give something really special.

I don't like the weddings where the bride and groom figure it's a great chance to soak everyone they know. I posted about this one awhile back -- a young woman I used to babysit was married several months ago out of the state. She was upset because she chose to have a "destination wedding", and did not invite most of the people she knows. That's her right. At the same time, people that don't get invited to the wedding aren't obligated to give any gift at all.

She had a second reception about a month after the wedding. The china pattern she requested cost $200 per place setting.

Julie

[GOPisEvil]

9. $200 a place setting?

I can find something better to spend that kind of money on, but that's just me.

[Missy Vixen]

13. We did, too

She got a flat-bottomed wok. ;-)

Julie

[GOPisEvil]

15. Ooooh...remember me at housewarming time!

I'd love a wok! :D

[Rabrrrrrr]

19. No sex threads!

Who wouldn't want a wok?

:evilgrin:

Of course, being serious, a flat bottomed wok is unusable.

I think you need a housewarming gift. . . let me think . . .

Though of course you have to actually let us at DU know when you actaully, really and truly, decide to take the house.

Oooh, I like how I said that - "take" the house. Screw the bid and "paying for it". It's a new era, it's post-9-11, it's a different world, and pre-emptive is GOOD and CHRISTIAN. Shit, just take the house, and buy yourself a nice housewarming gift, like a Jaguar or a Rolls Royce.

[Missy Vixen]

28. I present the flat bottomed wok

>Of course, being serious, a flat bottomed wok is unusable.<

Nawwww.

Here's the wok in question. (Don't worry, we happened on an amazing Calphalon sale when we bought this one.)

http://www.calphalon.com/calphalon/consumer/products/productGroup.jhtml?location=LOC00030&attributeId=CLPA000023¤tType=CLPAT000002

Julie

[NC_Nurse]

4. I hate that crap!

I didn't register or have a big fancy wedding. It's just like the Christmas industry: pushy, greedy and opportunistic.
If I want to get a gift for someone I get it, don't tell me what to get for chrissake!
When people have been living together, they have a household set up. Enough already!:eyes:

[Deja Q]

5. Can't marry, can't care...

But for something positive-oriented to the heteros out there, yes it actually is a way to exploit the market.

Remember, customers are not people to these companies. Customers are walking wallets on legs who drive a lot.

(on edit: Changed "we" to "customers". It changes the meaning to something more appropriate. It was my original meaning, badly worded.)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. crass tradition!

bizarre to mandate certain gifts...just crass

[CrownPrinceBandar]

7. By Kitchen Aids you mean what exactly?.....

Do you mean the stand mixer? If so, that would be a great score. I can't even afford one let alone two.

To answer your question, it seems a bit much.

[Missy Vixen]

10. Sorry foamdad

Yes, it's the mixer. They range in price from $200 or so up to $500.

She wants two because she "couldn't decide on the color".

Julie

[KT2000]

11. Opposite Effect

Sometimes, when people demonstrate such greed, people are inclined to get a gift of their own choosing.

One friend, was shocked and disgusted by the expensive china, silver etc the bride had picked out for the registry, the friend selected instead a huge wood cutting board with a most hideous rooster carved into it. It was bad taste deluxe - and a humorous hint to the couple.

[cally]

12. Depends on how it's handled

In the cases you mentioned, that's absurd and very greedy. I think a small, tasteful list at one store helps folks who may not know what size bed you have, or colors in your apartment, or the dishes you chose. Most guests do bring a gift and it sure helps to know what they want or have.

[bbernardini]

14. I hate the people with big, expensive lists...

My wife and I had a modest, inexpensive list. Just the essentials, nothing fancy. We've been to a few weddings where people asked for absurdly expensive kitchen utensils they will never use because they NEVER COOK. Of all the things one could have as a status symbol, why cookware?

[fudge stripe cookays]

16. Necessary evil...

but yes, some people definitely go overboard.

I did my best to keep my requests to things I'd always wanted and never had, and the requisite nice china and assorted doo-dads. I do NOT have expensive tastes by any means. Most of the items I picked were less than $50.

We did Target, Crate and Barrel, and The Bay, for the Canadians. Stupid me. I read in some etiquette thing that you shouldn't enclose Registry information in with your wedding invite, that it was tacky.

well, most of reprehensor's family are simple farm folks, and GOD I couldn't believe some of the hideous gifts we got. I try not to be rude about it, but there were so many things we needed, and we got maybe 4 or 5 of the main items from the registry. It's taken me 4 years to get a full set of decent china (not just mismatched plates from various sources), nice flatware (from Target), and a decent kitchen full of the bells and whistles.

I think registries are great.

My young cousin is getting married next weekend in Chicago, and I bought her gift online last night. Holy Crap! I've never understood the point behind registering for obscenely expensive crystal and platinum bowls and bric-a-brac. Just more stuff you have to dust. Some of that stuff was between $100-$200! And most of it had already been bought! I settled for the $50 place setting. And gnashed my teeth because her guests were much more in-the-know about that registry thing.

FSC

[Bridget Burke]

17. You're not obligated to buy from the registry.

It's only a suggestion. The custom makes more sense for a young couple creating their first home. When they've been single on their own for years, living together for years, or still have loot from their earlier marriage(s), feel free to be creative. Are they overspending on the wedding & hope to recoup their investment? Also consider: did they register at Target or Tiffany & Co.?

I can almost understand the Kitchenaid request. My own baking doesn't get much beyond cornbread, but the mixers have a certain allure--maybe it's all that Food-TV. And what color to pick? (These are less than half of the possibilities.)

[Missy Vixen]

27. Ahhhh. The Kitchen Aid mixer.

>I can almost understand the Kitchenaid request.<

Kitchen Aid was just coming out with the wide variety of colors when I got mine. DH got a very large bonus at work and asked me what I would like as a gift. I asked for the Kitchen Aid. Mine's white-on-white. (If I had a choice, I'd have been very interested in the red or the pink.) Since we both love to cook, he went for the professional model.

Every woman needs a Kitchen Aid. Two, however, is a bit of overkill, unless one is starting a catering business.

Julie

[SOteric]

18. Some of both.

I love being able to get a couple something I know they need and want. I hate that giving gifts can be such a quandry, it's possible to love people and wish them well without ever having been in their homes to know what their tastes and needs are.

I've always been pretty resistant to social blackmail, though. Sometimes, just to make a statement, people whose list of demands seem outrageous recieve nothing but a tacky set of '50's salt shakers from Ruby Montana's Pinto Pony. It's a statement. It's a gift. Everybody wins.

[BritishHuman]

30. Mmmm... Tacky.

I love that.

My dad has a tremendously annoying habit of deliberately not buying stuff from my Birthday/Christmas list because "then it wouldn't be a surprise".

The fact that those are the things I want, and the things he buys are often random and baffling (and still in their box years later) seems to have passed him by.

So, I'm in favour of Wedding Registries. I like to get people something they want, and know that somebody else isn't going to have already bought it.

But greed is not good, and now I have an excellent idea of how to deal with that... :evilgrin:

[skippysmom]

20. Necessary evil

The one you describe sounds pretty overboard -- who needs 2 Kitchen Aid mixer? I got one from our wedding and I love it...but registering for 2 because you can't decide the color...please.

We registered with 2 stores (Filenes and Mikasa), picked out a lot of things that were really reasonable. Mostly low priced items. And they were really short.

Contrast that with my materialistic friend from HS, who registered at 3 stores, with huge registries, and enclosed a card with the wedding invite telling us the three stores and letting us know that gift cards from Home Depot would be much appreciated. (They got a lovely vase from another store from us. She never bought us anything for ours, despite being the maid of honor...but that's another story.)

I like registries, because no matter how well I know someone, I really don't know what their taste in kitchen implements is. And sometimes I don't feel comfortable giving cash. But they can go way overboard.

[Rabrrrrrr]

21. Very helpful, unless they've been set up by shallow (swear words) women

For the very young, married first time, who have nothing, the registries are very helpful as they help ensure that the couple doesn't receive 18 toasters, and that the 12 people who feesl the ned to buy towels or plateware don't all buy different patterns.

For the more elderly, say those in their 30s or older who are getting married, who obviously have most of everything they need, the registries are also helpful in ensuring that people don't buy gifts that simply aren't part of the pattern and styles of the couple.

But for the shallow (swear words) out there, and I have to say, this is pretty much always the woman's fault trying to Diva herself into some kind of bitchin' ridiclous *haul* of a wedding, the registries are blasphemous bullshit.

Like pretty much everything in life, in and of itself the concept of a bridal registry is neither good nor evil. It all depends on the goodness, or (swear word)ness of the woman in charge of the registry.

And why call it a bridal registry? That also pisses me off. It's a registry for the couple, so they should use it as such. Why can't the @($&@#@#)%&!^# registry include other necessary items like a @&%^*@# table saw, socket wrench set, drill, stud finder, etc.?

How sexist. A truly liberal couple would have stuff that pertains to both of them and call it a "couple's registry". "Bridal Registry" is so sexist and oppresive and, well, totalitarian.

[put out]

26. Ah, yes, Bridezilla.

Wowee. I was coerced into registering because no one knew what we wanted. A nightmare, hurt feelings all around. I didn't know what we wanted. My sterling suggestions: "Uh, towels, uh, beige I guess? Uh, wine glasses? Uh, a salad bowl? Um-m-m, I dunno, just please come and be with us."

I have attended brides who totally lost their minds when it came to gifts expected. What are ya, Princess Caroline?

I went to too few bride/groom showers. Much more fun. Gifts to hardware stores, to specialty food places, to plant nurseries, plus they had a keg.

Spare us the Bridezillas.

[Kathleen04]

22. Necessary Evil..

but more as of a way to coordinate that the guests are each getting something different so that they don't end up with 10 toasters.

I think it's better if the couple includes mostly practical but not super-pricey items so that guests who are low on cash can still feel they are getting them a nice gift.

They could put a few pricey items on the list but if the whole list is pricey items then it's leaning over towards greed gone wild.

[flamingyouth]

23. LOL - I think they should share with the rest of us!

I meticulously went through china patterns in order to find the least expensive, so that people could buy us something and still feel like they were giving us a present (as opposed to, say, a butter plate). And we're still using and loving our wedding gifts and our Dansk White Tapestries china (even though those damned fools discontinued the pattern two years ago - argh).

And what on earth would someone need two mixers for?!?! That's just silly.

[Missy Vixen]

29. flamingyouth, don't you LOVE white plates?

The woman from the Bon (now Bon-Macy's) insisted that our very Marriage Would Fail unless we registered for china. We picked "Monet," which was a Mikasa pattern that was discontinued five minutes after we got married. (If I had to choose again, I would have picked something very very plain, or ideally, none at all.) We got two place settings. We use them maybe once a year.

For everyday, we got Pfalzgraff's "Filigree". It's gorgeous, simple, white stoneware with a nice design on the rim. We've beat the crap out of these plates over the years via washing, dishwasher, everyday use. They're still gorgeous.

I hope that you can find additional settings of your Dansk. (A Google search will yield businesses that sell discontinued china patterns.)

Julie

[Kenneth ken]

25. gosh

your two wedding parties sound like greed gone wild.

That said, I like gift registries. I like anything that takes the guess-work out of gift giving. Without a gift list, for anyone, any ocaasion, I buy money. It always fits, is always in style, and always the right color. But if ya tell me what ya want, I'll be happy to buy it for ya, within reason, of course.